technoblade fucks up a delivery man

why me god

wow hi to anyone just seeing this book recommended to them, people who read my actual book (go check it out on my profile) have forced me to do this, so uhhh here you go sock you menace...




ok im pretty sure this isn't actual canon to my story but it's too funny to make realistic

tw//someone gets fucked up in a fight :<

I didn't even have to look down to know techno's fist was clenched.

Why did i have to convince him to get delivery again? "It won't be the same guy, it's cali they have to have multiple people delivering food..." "calm down it'll be fine..." i'm hungry please" For the first time ever, I was wrong. The smug look on his face and the sad attempt at a beard were still both there, and I just rolled my eyes a bit and snatched the food from him.

I started to close the door when he made a comment on my body I probably shouldn't repeat, and I felt a strong hand hold it open. I didn't resist, just pressed a kiss to Techno's cheek before he prepared to beat the everloving shit out of this delivery guy.

Delivery guy at this point should have realized he was in way over his head, I had made Techno start getting out of his room and the gym just seemed to work for him. It might be because nobody bothers him, but going outside was going outside.

He towered about 4 inches taller than delivery guy's scrawny figure, but still squared up like he was some kind of hulk who would grow muscle with the snap of a finger. To no surprise, delivery guy threw a sad punch to Techno's face, which he swerved around easily. He retaliated with a good punch to the nose as a warm up, and drops of blood started to trickle down his face. delivery guy sputtered at the blood on his lips, which gave Techno the chance to send another punch to his gut.

He doubled over from the blow, still apparently not learning his lesson. I winced a little at the hit... it seemed painful but they guy deserved it.

It became apparent that this guy wasn't taking no for an answer, Techno smirked as he waited for delivery man to square up again.

It was like playing pokemon, a level 1 rattata trying to beat the elite four on its own. His scrawny figure did fit the term ratty and I giggled a little as I tried to imagine a little rat trying to take on a huge boar. I snapped out of my daydream as Techno shoved the guy to the floor, littering our doorstep with a spurt of blood.

"Blood for the blood god..." I quipped, the delivery guy looked at me with fear. He didn't know anything about Techno so that must have come off insanely psycho.

I flashed Techno a grin and thumbs up, he laughed at the awkward notion and pulled delivery man to his feet. "Punch me" he growled, opening his arms wide so the guy had a good target. "Punch me, I know you want to." The growl turned to a grin as delivery boy weakly reeled his arm back to his chest, and Techno stood stoic as the guy barely made contact.

Techno grabbed the fist that had weakly punched him, and spoke quietly, almost eerily. "Do you want to repeat what you said earlier about my girlfriend?" I noticed the delivery guy's face drain of colour as he realized there was no winning this fight for him, Techno had barely broken a sweat.

"Do you wanna say that again, huh? Say it to my face right now!" You couldn't see a speck of anger on Techno's face, he looked focused and menacing as he spoke.

"Go ahead..."

Beaten to a pulp, blood gushing from his nose, and this guy still had the nerve to speak. "I said that... I said she had a nice-"

He couldn't even finish his sentence, I had stepped forward, sending a punch straight to his lower jaw. His head fell to the side, and he spent a second moving it around his mouth back into its place. Satisfied with my work, I stepped back into the doorway and gestured for them to continue.

An amused smile from Techno brought a smirk to my face, and blood splattered from delivery guy's mouth as Techno sent another punch to his jaw, he fell to the ground and spit a bloody tooth out onto our driveway.

"Awe come on, dude! I'm gonna have to clean that all up, lord knows Techno won't..." He looked up from his spot on the floor, fear in his eyes.

"Don't get up." Techno spoke again, this time I could see flickers on anger on his face. The delivery guy tried to scramble to his feet, but Techno stepped right in the middle of his shin, and I heard a blood-curdling crunch which made my toes curl.

I put my hand on Techno's shoulder to stop him, and he froze a bit before mumbling for me to go inside.

I was scared out of my mind, so I scrambled in with the bag of food, staring down the chinese at the kitchen table as I tuned out what was happening outside.

Eventually, I heard a car door slam, and tires screeched as someone drove off. I sat still in the kitchen, and waited.

It was about twenty minutes more before I heard another car door, and I tensed my shoulders as Techno walked inside.

I stood up when he walked into the kitchen, and walked over to where he was standing unscathed, except for a bloody lip.

Without thinking, I reached up to swipe away the blood and he took a step back in surprise. I guess he was still on edge from the fight, he wasn't usually a confrontational guy.

I wrapped my arms around him, not caring about the blood on his sweater. "he's at the hospital, don't worry..." he mumbled tiredly into my hair, and I just squeezed him tighter.

Bonus Segment:

Somewhere far, far away...

a girl named jess sat at her desk typing away, the circles under her eyes only growing darker as time passed on. a sock had condemned her to this fate, and as she wrote a story about a pig beating the shit out of a weird delivery guy, she questioned the choices she had made leading up to this, and thought about all the productive things she could be doing instead. an unfinished school project loomed in her head but nevertheless the socks need their content.........