There is no love in this story.
There is only what the author wishes to write.
This is a story of observation and disappointment and acceptance.
It is a story of a child's journey to understanding.
It is my life story.
Let me start from the beginning...
Something peculiar happens when a child is born.
I wouldn't know what it is.
I do not remember birth.
All I can say about my birth is what I have come to know.
There is no comfort or stability.
Everything changes.
From a warm, mothers womb, a child peeks out.
She is in water or a toilet bowl or in the hands of a midwife.
She does not get to decide how she leaves the amniotic fluid that has been her home for several months.
Others determine how she greets them.
Indeed, I have found out that in life, others determine anything.
Unless, of course, your will is stronger.
Then you get to battle it out with all other wills.
The winner always wins.
Don't say some things cannot change.
I have seen that they can.
Some people hate politicians but they have no will to challenge them.
Some people want to 'save the environment' but they have no will to fight what kills life.
An angry rant on Twitter is an expression of will but it is rather weak.
Creating a new system that makes the existing one obsolete, now that's strong will.
I learned some time ago that our shared reality is the result of a push and pull of all wills.
Our personal reality is not reality at all.
It is perception, experience, bias.
It cannot be called reality by any sense of the word.
It is not real.
It is made up.
If it wasn't, we'd all experience the same events the same way.
And from my observation, this rarely happens, if not never.
I do not remember my first day of school.
But I will be twenty years old in twenty-two days and it still feels like a cage.
(I just checked my phone for the time to know the date.
23:53)
A cage we learn to get used to.
Pain we learn to adapt to.
We train ourselves, domesticate ourselves, force ourselves to do what we don't see reason to.
It is an interesting phenomenon to me.
They start us so young that we eventually grow to do it to ourselves.
Isn't that peculiar?
As I type this, I remember discovering a few days ago that I want to create.
I think I had forgotten that I could.
All I did was consume.
Sometimes my mind approved that it was 'productive consumption'.
Whatever that is.
I realised that day that all my thoughts were the thoughts of others.
I had not one original thought.
And thinking that has changed my being.
Remember those realisations you've had that shake your entire worldview and outlook on how you want to live?
That was one of them.
So here I am, writing from my self, with no references.
It always feels good.
Try it.
You don't have to write.
You can do anything.
As long as it comes straight from you, from the source.
You are the sun in this solar system.
It is fun.
Another thing I have thought about a lot is how to make money.
I don't even care if I live or not most days but my mind occupies itself with such a topic.
I have considered many systems of income generation.
I have now decided that I will make money by helping others get what they want.
Some people are okay with two million naira in a month.
I want to earn ten million naira in a month.
This is my goal for now.
I want to earn at least enough to cover my recurring expenses comfortably.
Times five.
$100,000 yearly seemed like a good number.
When I first decided that, I used an exchange rate of a dollar to one thousand naira.
Months later, the rate is closer to $1=N2000.
Back to my explanation of the system.
For a secondary school student, earning N5000 per day could be a lot.
If I gave them that, they'd be happy.
And I'd be happy because they'd be helping me get closer to making $278 per day.
I win, they win.
That's my plan.
