Holding Back Everything

Chapter 1: Otis

It was another uneventful morning. I wake myself up, my mom was asleep, she could care less if it was the first day at my new high school, Riverland High. While eating breakfast though, I cared a lot, my stomach dropped thinking about how many new people I'd have to meet and see. I quickly focused back on finishing up my cereal and getting my backpack together. Right before heading out the door, I ran back up to my room to get my phone even though it was dry and I would barely get any notifications.

As I walked closer and closer to school, the stress came back but I continued walking even though I was already over 20 minutes late. My dirty black converse pressed against the cold hard cement steps, and they kept going until they got to my first period, biology. "Well, new student? introduce yourself" the teacher, Mr. Williams said to me. "My names umm.. Otis, I'm from Cali" I announced without looking at anyone. I sat down and glanced at everyone around the room , nothing exciting really, the mentally immature boys being gross and unfunny towards everyone, the emo kids talking about whatever they talk about, and the group of girls that were so judgmental towards everyone . When glancing at everyone, I did notice someone, he had dirty blonde hair, and droopy cool eyes. He looked back and I got scared and quickly looked away and focused on the class for the rest of the period.

RING RING, the bell rang and I tried to leave after everyone. I picked up my backpack and put on my earbuds, quickly the music played for only a split-second , then I felt an earbud being taken out my ear. All I heard was a friendly "Hey" I turned to face the person, and it was that same boy.

"I saw you looking at me and the others, you don't seem that happy to be here" he said.

"Yeah, no not really, who are you, again?" I replied.

"I'm James, also you know we aren't that different" James said.

"How do you know that we JUST met, also I'm Otis" I said in confusion.

"For starters, you don't like it here, I don't like it here, yet I've been here almost since...ever.." He said "...so what do you say, Otis, you cool being friends ?, if so, we could probably make our lives more enjoyable, so eh?" He asked with a smirk while waiting for my reply.

"Sure, I guess, having a friend wouldn't hurt" I responded.

James then continued on about his interests for the rest of the school day, we got to learn about each other, I couldn't remember someone who ever wanted to talk to me that much before. After the school day was done, I walked home while listening to Karma Police by Radiohead and other songs. I was terribly tired from school, and I got to my front door and in the living room, my mother waiting there for me watching television.

"Get used to it, it's only gonna get worse" she said assuming everything went badly.

"What? no actually today was pretty good" I said.

"For a dweeb like you, not talking to anyone is "good"" she said still assuming the worst

"No mom, for once, someone was interested in talking to me" I responded annoyed. I quickly went up to my room and threw myself onto my bed and laid there for a couple minutes before looking at my phone. I scrolled on Instagram, and saw posts from a couple of jocks from Riverland High, my new school. They liked to make "appreciation" posts about new kids. So of course I stumble across a pic of James and I talking, I was circled with a white scribbled circle. The post was captioned "Skinny boy made his first appearance today". It didn't really bother me, because I knew they didn't know what type of person I was and although I could tell what type of people they were, I technically also didn't know them.

While looking at more accounts, I found James'. He had adorable pictures of his girlfriend and him, they looked cute together. Based on the captions they had not been dating for long. I followed him then sent a simple message "hey its otis". I then got bored, turned off my phone and watched some television to take a nap while watching. As I got more and more tired, my phone buzzed. James had followed me back and responded with "hiii dude".

"I saw you and umm your girlfriends posts, maybe i can meet her and we could all be friends?"I asked.

"Yeah totally, I told her a bit about you she founds you dope, her names Mave, shes veryyyy sweet" he replied.

"awesome, also do you think you could help me with some of the biology homework, lmao?" I asked

He agreed to help me although we both barely knew anything about Biology. We called and instead ended up laughing and getting little work done. After a couple hours we did end up finishing. It was late though, so like regularly, I fell asleep watching television.

1-month later...

We have never stopped goofing and talking since the first night we met. It was safe to say we were already best friends. I did also end up meeting Mave, she was exactly the sweetest person ever like James described her to be and we'd tease her because she thought our jokes were pretty stupid.

"The charger doesn't fit, the holes too small" James said

"THATS WHAT SHE SAID" I said then James and I laughed

Mave then said with a smile and innocent annoyance "Omg you guys are so weird"

School was equally as horrible just as before. The kids were still as ignorant and self-centered as before and would call me "chopstick". I never really understood the bullying, not because it made me sad, but the kids hated me for no reason, were they afraid of me? James would insult them back as he always said "Don't worry I got your back, you're my boy now" then would proceed to give me a fist bump. Everything has gone pretty good for me and friendships have grown, except for just one thing, my mother. She still continued to hate seeing me happy. I learned to never take her words to heart because it's not like she was a world changing Icon or something , she was an alcoholic neglecting mom.

For anyone hearing my story, the last thing I want is for you all to feel bad. I take lessons, she's one of those that took a very long period of time to understand. You all also may be also wondering, as I did while I lay in bed, "well where's your dad"" or "why don't you talk about your dad?" and my question to that is "Why would I?". If he's not here, then he wouldn't talk to others about me because he doesn't know me, and I don't know him, and I think I'd like to keep it that way.

James' parents are good to me though. I go there all the time and they treat me like family, even though they've only basically just met me. Kallie, James' younger sister, likes to make me drawings all the time. I've had a very good slow progressing life that continues to grow, here in Chicago. The friends I have, although not many, mean the world to me, they make me forget about everything bad. I just hope nothing comes in to try and fuck it all up...