Was It Love?

Chapter 1

What are we? I asked myself late at night. At the time, I always knew the answer. We were something more than friends but less than lovers. It was always like that.

It started in our 10th grade. It was post-pandemic, but we were both still in full online classes. I never noticed him, I was always so busy with my dreams, academics, friends, and everything in our house that I never really paid attention to a lot of guys. The guys I noticed were either my friends or a guy my friends are interested in.

He approached me first, and I remember it well. On August 4, 2022 at night, just before supper. I received a message from him, he asked "Do you know what indayog is?" it was a question about academics so like always, I answered his question. This question-and-answer game happened before too, with math, so I didn't pay much attention to it. After answering the question, I thought our conversation ended there.

It didn't. He asked another question, something new from our question-and-answer game. It was the first time he asked me something outside of academics. He asked me if I knew about the topic and our conversation continued. I don't remember everything else, but I do remember talking till early in the morning.

But from then on, we started talking everyday. I remember that we talked till early in the morning on the first 2 days, until we stopped staying up that late as we decided to "be more healthy". If only there was a way to go back to those days.

It never stopped, and on August 6, I remember I was telling my friends about what was recently happening between us, how he always put a smile on my face every time we talked, and how we talked every single day. One of my friends noticed his name, it turns out, he asked my friend about me. Asking for my favorite food, drinks, and such. At the time, we already talked about those topics, I didn't know he already knew those parts about me. He already knew yet he let me relay it to him again, this time, with me relaying the message.

I had a few hints he liked me but my friend confirmed it. Apparently, he wanted to get me my favorite things when he confessed. If not that, I remember that he was supposed to draw me, he used to talk about how his friend was helping him learn how to draw more realistically, enhance his drawings.

And he did give me something when he confessed, he gave me my favorite food, chili barbeque fries from Potato Corner. It was on August 9 or 11, I think 11. It was our picture day for our diplomas. I even remember him asking beforehand, about a day before the scheduled date, if we could eat out together after our turns taking the picture. Our plans went on like it was supposed to and we met up.

The day he confessed was really special to me for some reason. It was the only confession I received that really hit me to the point every time I see that certain spot, the spot we sat in, I remember it, the confession, him.

It was our first time meeting face-to-face, at McDonald's, just beside the school. And that was where he confessed, I remember seeing him for the first time, he smelled amazing. I have always been picky with men's perfume, but for some reason, his perfume didn't smell annoying or anything bad to me. I loved his perfume.

I remember which seat we sat in, it will always hold a special place in my heart. Like I said, he got me my favorite food and once we were alone, he confessed. He gave me a letter too, it was for backup in case he couldn't confess to me in person. In the letter it stated that I didn't have to reciprocate his feelings as he knew about my dreams, he knew my goals in life and he didn't want me to stray from it.

I liked everything about him so far, but I wouldn't say I liked him yet. It seemed too fast and I was unsure, so I said I wasn't rejecting him but I wasn't affirming him. But I knew even then that, I was interested, especially how he knew how much I wanted to pursue my goals. I loved how supportive he was. It was one of the many things I love about him.

After he confessed, our relationship just kept growing. We started going on calls, not everyday but when we do go on calls, it was usually to gossip, or to watch movies together. It was fun. I loved how our relationship grew and slowly, I got to know him better too. I got to know his friends sometimes when I joined their calls.

I remember our movie date calls, how we wanted to watch all the conjuring movies, there was even this funny part where he screamed "Mama!" on a jumpscare. It was also funny how I had a smile on my face while watching a literal horror movie, he really put a smile on my face no matter what he did. I enjoyed those days, our little gossip talks, I knew I gained so much gossip talking to him and I loved it. I loved when he talked, how he talked, especially while we were on our calls, I loved his voice. I'm not sure if I loved it then too but I know I started loving it at some point and I knew that even then, I was really interested.

I don't remember talking to my friends about how it grew but at some point, I think I did, they all reassured me, supported me. They even told me that he was a good guy, and based on how I knew him, he was an even better guy. My friends all thought I already liked him but I kept denying it. I was always so unsure of my feelings, I didn't want to confirm something I was unsure of.

I was also scared of opening my heart up again. Especially because of what happened to me in the past, although i wouldn't call what happened grave but it really made me want to like someone better, get to know them better, make less mistakes, and that's what I did with him, or at least, what I tried to do with him. All I knew was I wanted things slow and steady, still fast enough but still kind of slow, it's messy. But from then on, before August ended, I knew, whatever feelings I had for him, it will grow, all because I fell for him, for Shan.