Grey II - Ghosts

Chapter 12 - Breaking Visions

Hey little hole in my heart, you've grown so cold.
You've run out of soul to pump through my veins.
So you might as well turn to stone.

Adestria - Scarlet Letter

The door opened and I saw what he meant.

'You'll be more compliant once you see the gifts I have for you.'

He hadn't lied, I should have known he wouldn't, he had never been the bluffing type. My heart sank to its lowest when I saw them, at least before I thought I could make a choice. Refuse him and be killed, refuse him and be captive, tortured, but this? This made my choice bear a weight I had hoped to never shoulder. I would still choose the same, I would still refuse him, I had to, they would want me to, but it didn't make the decision any easier. Even knowing that you're doing the right thing can't ease a conscience sometimes, especially when your friends, your family, are the price.

Kael was the first I saw, Nevaeh next to him, both tied and on their knees, both clearly beaten, blood caked down one side of my brother's face. Nevaeh wouldn't look at me, but I hadn't expected her to, she still hated me. I was a demon in her eyes, a traitor. Kael was looking right at me, forever the opposite of his sister, his eyes begging me to let him die, to not give in to my father. I told him I wouldn't, not out loud or in any visible way, but I knew he understood me, he always understood me. Relief filled his eyes before he gave a small nod to me and stared down at the floor, resigned to his fate. My father stood just behind them, his dark hair gleaming in the low light, a smirk on his face. I hated that I looked so much like him, like I was looking at a mirror of my future.

I wanted to believe that he truly thought my Clan was enough of a bribe to make me bend to him, but deep down I knew he didn't take me so lightly. The alternative that came to mind was too horrific for me to think of, and I pushed it away. He couldn't. But then she appeared by his side, not bound, not looking in the pitiful health of my former Clan members. She stood by his side in her gear, her fighting gear, a look of cold indifference on her face, a terrible mask that hid the features I loved. Her gray eyes stared out like a ghost's, her body relaxed even though she stood next to a devil.

She spun the small gold ring on her finger, the one that had a permanent home on her pinky, just like she had done so often back when I knew her, back when we were partners. That small gesture, that tiny habit of hers proved to me it was her, not an illusion, not a trick of my father's power on my mind, it was really Jordan standing with him, standing so close to him. She had chosen. My stomach dropped.

Her eyes rose to mine and I prayed I would see something familiar there, some hint that this was her plan, that she was still the woman I knew, admired, but there was nothing, nothing but empty holes. Her eyes showed me that she had lost her soul, given it to my father, just like Juda had, like so many others who sought power.

My heart ached for her, for what she must have gone through. I should have been there for her, I should have protected her. My heart felt as if it would fold in on itself, as if it would harden into a stone in my chest and crumble to sand, as if it was so cold it would freeze the very blood in my veins. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't look at her, yet I couldn't drag my eyes away either.

Jordan, my Jordan, but she was his now.

The thought jolted me back to the present, steeling my reserve. He would not win. He had taken everything from me, but he still would not win.

"Now, I ask you again son, will you join me? Will you come back home?"

Even just his voice made my stomach constrict, panic crawling up my throat - his smile, his eyes, his hand on Jordan's shoulder. Everything about him made me wish I could kill him, wish I could find a way to be stronger than him, if only for a moment, that was all I needed.