Grey II - Ghosts

Chapter 26 - Problem Solvers & Trouble Makers

Lost forever are our former selves.
Can you show me proof they ever lived?
Or are they tainted memories of a wishful mind that's looking for a reason to forgive?

Ice Nine Kills - So This is my Future

I tried to tell myself I wouldn't sleep, that I would stay up all night to avoid having a nightmare, but my feet were dragging by the time I made it back to my room. My headache had returned as soon as I left Parish and Prey, and I could still feel the weariness in my mind from my time with Zodiac. Along with my arms feeling like lead from constantly blocking the brothers' attacks, I hardly made it to my bed before I was asleep.

My dreams were shadowed, but I didn't wake up screaming, just with a heavy pit of sadness in my stomach, the acid of nausea burning my throat.

I saw Kael chasing a woman but unable to catch her, she left a trail of blood wherever she went, drifting out in the air behind her like fabric in the wind. Then Gabriel appeared, grabbing Kael and holding him back, forcing him to let the woman disappear from sight. Kael collapsed to the ground, his shoulders shaking as he wept for the love he had lost.

I knew it was Ambriel, knew I was dreaming of his pain and loss, maybe he was too and I was somehow invading his mind even in sleep, even from whatever distance separated us, but there was something more, something worse at the edge of my mind. A warning. I hated seeing Kael cry, seeing him with his face in the ground, his wild hair spread out over the yellowing grass.

He only spoke one word, over and over, repeated in a terrible loop.

Why? Why? Why?

His voice broke as he called after the woman, begging her to come back, asking why she had left, why she had left him behind. Then he turned to his brother, his eyes black and soulless, his teeth bared. He said the same word, but this time it was different. He was no longer mourning. He was angry.

He dove at Gabriel and the dream ended, my alarm waking me, telling me I had another training to go to.

I didn't remember setting the alarm the day before. Abraham probably had, meddlesome old man. I rolled from bed, trying to shake the dream's hold on me. I hated dreaming of Kael almost as much as Gabriel. I hated seeing him alone. As much as I tried, it was becoming more and more difficult to stay angry with him. I worried for him, for how he was coping, surviving.

I knew he didn't want to be the leader of a Clan. I knew it scared him, even if it was just him and Nevaeh. I wished he didn't have to hold that burden. I wished he wasn't alone. But then I'd remember that he had left me, I hadn't left him, and the spark of anger would return, of hurt and betrayal. Gabriel had betrayed him, but he had betrayed me too, something I had never expected from him. I had never lied to him, I hadn't even known, but he still left me just the same, judging me along with Gabriel. Which I deserved, since we were the same - but also not. It made my head and my heart hurt.

Ailech knocked on my door, earlier than usual, but I was glad for the distraction, glad to not have to think of Kael or dreams anymore. I opened the door to see him waiting impatiently, drumming his hand against the door jam, Ember next to him.

"Let's go, Grayson's waiting. And he's the 'if you're not early, you're late' type."

"Do you really need to be here for this one? 'Focus and perception' don't seem categories that are likely to get physical."

I was beginning to see it was going to get continually harder and harder to not speak to Ailech, as I had in my first week at the Vault, though I rationalized that thirty words a day wouldn't change much. He wouldn't be my next Syn. I winced at the very thought.