Grey II - Ghosts

Chapter 46 - Ke'evel

It was my weakness that couldn't save us.
So lay your scars out in rows.
So lay your scars out in rows for me.
We were one, and what are we now?

La Dispute - Fairmount

I was dreading my next session so much even Levi told me he was sorry I had to go, that Abby had given me such a hard task. I tried to not think of my previous sessions with Cordelia around him, but I knew he knew how terrible they were for me, that they had only gotten worse since my first with her. When we said our goodbyes his bright blue eyes looked a little too shiny to me, but I hoped it was just my imagination. I never wanted to make my little brother cry.

James buried his Shift as we left the little bench in front of the lake, but this time I could see the tension growing in his muscles, his movements. Ailech met my eyes as we reached the door, giving me a little sympathetic smile as he stood, Ember close behind.

"You could fake a headache, I'd back you." Ailech offered helpfully as I stood outside Cordelia's door, gathering my nerve to knock.

James had been looking more and more like he wanted to ask what I was so obviously dreading, what everyone else seemed to already know. But each time he seemed about to open his mouth, he'd glance to his right and stay quiet instead. I'd already decided to not tell him even if he asked, he would see soon enough anyway. I wished he wouldn't, but I knew he'd join me as an observer for my tolerance lesson just like all the others that day.

I knocked and felt my stomach drop a little more with each rap against the wood. The door swung open and Cordelia stood in its wake, looking somber as ever.

"Hello, Miss Kay, Mr. Darke, Mr. Locklear, Miss Rhyner."

She nodded to each of us in turn politely.

"Our group has grown a bit I hear, Abby tells me Mr. Darke will be with us today, correct?"

He nodded, still looking curious as to what this woman was supposed to teach me. A slight line on his brow told me his Shift was trying to figure out what danger she was, just like mine had tried to warn me upon our first meeting.

"And Miss Rhyner, do you still prefer to wait outside?"

Ember nodded so enthusiastically her hair flew into her face as she stepped further back into the hallway. She had only been to one of my lessons with Cordelia, and from what Ailech said, she left before my first trial was even halfway completed. He had said she was crying. That was when I started to soften up to her, though it didn't matter, she was still terrified of me.

Cordelia closed the door behind me as I walked over to the familiar couch, the one I hated and loved at the same time. I hated what it represented, but I loved feeling it under me, either when I would be able to stay semi-conscious of my environment during a trial, or when I would wake up and realize one more was finished. Usually I stayed aware about a third of the time now, able to still feel my surroundings, able to keep myself quiet, at least mostly.

I sat and Ailech took his seat on the chair across from me, scooting it closer. James hung back, standing by the door, his face blank but his eyes darting between the woman and me, as if he could sense what she could do, as if he'd figured it out. Maybe he had.

I expected Cordelia to address me, as usual, to explain what our lesson would consist of, though it never really mattered, it all felt the same to me, but instead she turned to James.

"Abby recommends you partake in this lesson, to see...so I may have a comparison for Miss Kay, a goal to get her to."

She had almost not even finished speaking before I heard my own voice in the room, though I couldn't remember opening my mouth, or even thinking of the words.