Grey II - Ghosts

Chapter 47 - Foreplay

Feels like I'm falling into a world I can't control.
I hear it calling, down in my soul.
Gripping my bones. It won't let go.
Wake me up. Won't you wake me up.

Ruelle - Bad Dream

I woke up to three pairs of eyes curiously staring at me, four if I counted Ember's wide ones that were just barely peering at me, peeking out from behind Ailech's shoulders. I smiled up at them awkwardly, feeling a little like an animal in a zoo.

"What?"

In my mind I was in my room. I thought I had just woken up and having so many people surrounding me, staring at me so early in the morning seemed more than a little strange. Then I looked around, took in the room, the padded bench under me, the shelves along the walls, the books, so many books, the window next to me.

Slowly my mind cleared. My room didn't have a bench. I wasn't in my room. I was in Abby's office. I tried to think back, tried to remember falling asleep, or why I might be in the old wizard's room, with Ailech and Ember and Cordelia...then the memory crashed over me and I held my breath, fearful that the pain would come back now that I had remembered it, but it didn't. I sat up, glancing around at the shocked faces.

"What?" I repeated, a little more forcefully.

"Good morning," Ailech said with a smirk, though it looked more relieved than mischievous. "You gave us a little scare, pulling a stunt like that."

"I didn't mean to take all of it," I grumbled, "just the edge off, that's all."

"Well, you failed pretty miserably."

Ailech now sounded like he was reprimanding me. I shot him a glare.

"It isn't something I've practiced at length."

My words hissed out now, embarrassment mixing with defense of what I had done. Abby was watching me with his watery eyes, and I could see tear stains on Cordelia's pale cheeks as well. I gave her a small smile. It hadn't been her fault, though I knew she would think of it that way.

"Sorry for botching the trial."

She gave a hesitant, slow nod before sweeping from the room. That's when I noticed James' absence. I scowled. Of course he wouldn't be there, he wouldn't care. He would probably tell me I was stupid, irrational, for helping him, just like he had the last time. He'd say he didn't need it and that I was pathetic for not being able to control myself. My scowl darkened as I stood.

"I'm tired. I'm going to rest before Parish and Prey or the session will be useless."

Abby looked like he wanted very much to say something, but instead he closed his mouth and nodded, his eyes looking sad. Ailech escorted me to my room clucking at me the entire time like a mother hen. When I finally got him to leave I collapsed into bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering why I had been so foolish. I laughed bitterly as I remembered that I had wanted to know what James was feeling, what level Cordelia was giving him. Well, now I knew. My curiosity seemed stupid now.

Close to a half hour after I got to my room I knew I was pushing it. The brother's would be at the gym soon and I shouldn't keep them waiting for me like some kind of prima donna, but making myself leave my soft, warm bed was almost impossible. My muscles were so sore, my eyes so heavy. Ailech would knock soon anyway, thinking he had to wake me for my practice. A cat nap couldn't hurt.

I was in a room similar to my own, the same colors, same furnishings, but I slowly began to realize small discrepancies like a children's riddle book where you had to find little differences between two pictures side-by-side. My dirty clothes weren't crumpled on the floor. My clean clothes weren't haphazardly hanging on the back of the sole chair in the room's corner. My knives weren't carefully lined up on my bedside table, shining like jewelry. My crossbow wasn't hanging on the steel hook on the wall where I had left it. My small bag of belongings wasn't at the foot of my bed, always half-packed, in case I ever needed to leave in a hurry. Instead, the room was bare of almost anything. A sole, thin black book sat on the bedside table where my knives should have been, two white t-shirts and a black one neatly folded on the chair in the corner, a pair of dark denim hanging over one arm, folded lengthwise cleanly.