Brave Fear (boyxboy)

Chapter 11

"That door's been there the whole time," Zane said, gesturing vaguely toward the far wall. He was sitting next to Joseph, facing the wall separating the main room from the bedrooms. One knee was pulled up to his chest, the other crossed over in front of him. He watched his reflection in the polished metal.

It had been hours since they had discovered the room. It felt late, but without a clock or window, Zane would never know. He rubbed his eyes, trying to extract the sleep from them.

"How can you tell?" Zane looked over at Joseph. The boy was once again bouncing his rubber ball against the wall, and Zane had come to recognize it as a nervous gesture, just as someone may pace or bite their nails. The rhythmic thumps of the rubber against the floor, the wall, and Joseph's hand were somewhat soothing.

Zane rested his chin on his knee. "It's sunk into the wall several inches, and in those several inches I saw runners along the side of the door."

"And that means?" Joseph inquired, the ball leaving his hand and striking the wall.

"The wall in front of the door was only a panel of steel that Wawrzynski slid up to allow us access to that room," Zane said confidently. He pursed his lips, and the ball returned to Joseph's hand with a faint thwack.

"There may be other hidden rooms," Joseph theorized. "Other rooms that signify further stages of the experiment." he crossed his legs, and his knee brushed up against Zane's hip.

"Right," Zane responded. He gazed around the room, just in case any more secret doors had opened since that morning. He saw nothing, and he wasn't surprised. Wawrsynski wanted perfectly trained human weapons. He wouldn't rush the process. Giving them access to weapons was a big step.

Zane was terrified of what Wawrsynski had planned for them. If there truly was an impending war, as Marcus had said, then Zane could take an educated guess. But again he found himself wondering if they had been lied to, if anything was truly real. He had been told New Vancouver was the only civilization left on a barren and hostile planet. Lies. He had been told compliance was all that mattered; everything would fall into place if you followed orders. Lies. He had been told life was predictable, dependable. Lies.

It was as if there were demons in his head, feeding off the lies, forcing the truth down deeper where he could not reach it. They preyed on his every thought, making him question anything and everything.

But it was all he knew. It was all that made sense. It was all that was predictable.

He knew it was foolish and self-centered, but he wished to go back. Back to the life where he questioned nothing, accepted everything, and disregarded all that made no sense. He wanted to be carefree and know what would happen every day from the moment his eyes opened to the second they closed.

But no matter how much he hoped to go back, he was attracted to this undependable life. He had seen and done more in the past couple weeks than in his entire life in New Vancouver. He couldn't help but enjoy Joseph's sincerity and calm, Daisy's foolishness and appetite, Mallory's defiance and competitiveness, and Marcus's sarcasm and spurs.

His mind was torn in two, drawn to his old life and this new life. He kept being pulled to either side of the war, but always got tugged back into the middle. He wanted to be both uniform and unique, undefinable and noticeable. He wanted to be himself, but not himself.

A hand on his face snapped him from his daze. Joseph had turned his head, his warm palm against Zane's cheek. Zane felt his thumb resting beside his eye. He lifted his gaze to Joseph's soft blue eyes, which were filled with concern. "You okay, Zane?"

Zane leaned almost imperceptibly into Joseph's hand. "Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking."

"A dangerous pastime," Joseph said, forcing a laugh from Zane. His hand slid from Zane's face, and the colder air rubbed against Zane's cheek, making him shiver.