That Little Space Between Never And Ever [completed]

♡ Part 17 ♡

"Would you like another cup of tea?" Lando's mother asked me. "Yes, please, Mrs. Norris.'' I replied and smiled at her. "Just call Cisca, please." She said laughing and she refilled my cup, which I had pushed over the table towards her. We all sat at the table in the kitchen, Lando, his older brother Oliver, younger sister Flo, his parents and his grandmother. I had been a little uncomfortable at first, but everyone had been really welcome and warm. I had met everyone except his youngest sister, Cisca. She was in town with friends and was due home for lunch this afternoon. "So, um, would you mind if we ask you some questions?" Lando's father, Adam, asked me. "No, I think that's fine." I replied and smiled at him. I amazed myself that I felt really okay about it. Somehow it felt good to sit at the same table as him, but it also hurt. I really missed having someone who is a father figure, I don't miss my dad but I miss 'a' dad. "Go ahead." I said and carefully picked up my cup of tea and wrapped my hands around it. "Tell me about yourself, your hobbies, your fam..." Adam began, but was interrupted by his son Oliver. "He just wants to know everything about you." Lando's older brother said, laughing. "Okay, so..." I began, but had no idea where to start. "I am now 21 years old, I will turn 22 on the 3th of april. My hobbies are actually reading, drawing and writing. I also like sports. A few years ago I rode horses. I took lessons for 7 years, but never more than that." I couldn't go on because of Flo. I already knew that she has horses and competes at a high level. "Are you seriously telling me you can ride?" She asked and I heard the excitement in her voice. "Flo, take it easy." Lando said, laughing. "Come on, why should I take it easy? She just said she can ride!"
"It's okay, Lando." I said with a smile. I felt so welcome here. All my worries hadn't been necessary. They were very nice to me and seemed like they liked me. I liked the atmosphere in the house. "I can indeed ride." I turned to Flo. "I'm not that talented, but I can handle them and I love it, to be honest." I told her. In the meantime I realized that I was a little bit missing horse riding. "Then why did you stop, if you love it?"
"Riding where I was riding wasn't that much fun anymore. They always let me ride the pesky horses because there weren't many that could handle them, but I could. Now, to be honest, I kinda regret that. I miss riding a little." Flo looked at me with great interest the whole time. That made me tell the whole story instead of just one sentence, which I am used to doing. "We really need to go for a ride together. Maybe I can teach you some things!" I loved how excited she was, like she really liked this idea. I really did like it if I'm honest. "Can you jump?"
"I have jumped a few times and I think it's great! But you can't really call those lessons jumping lessons." I told her and she laughed, but before either of us could say anything we were interrupted. "Let's talk about this some other time." Lando's grandmother said. "Leave that girl alone, Flo."
"Okay, Grandma, don't worry." She replied with a laugh. Flo was a really nice girl, her energy was so nice and it was good to be around her. I loved the way this family talked to each other. It seems like they can say anything they want because they are sure everyone knows they love each other. I didn't notice the smile on my face until Lando asked me. "Are you feeling fine?" He smiled at me. "Yes, I certainly feel good." I replied and realized I wasn't lying. I feel at ease and welcome, which gave me a good and pleasant feeling. "And what about your family?" Adam asked. I took a sip from the tea mug, which I was still holding, to give myself an attitude. I hated that word, family. If even the people you love the most and think you could trust the most could hurt you... How can you ever really trust someone else? "I live at a friend of mine and her mother." I said softly. Lando took my hand under the table and squeezed it gently. That gave me enough strength to keep talking. "Something happened this summer that made me leave our house. My parents are still together, but they ignore each other and yeahh... I have an older brother, but he lives with 2 friends. So now I live at my best friend since the summer.'' I looked at the table because I felt a little uncomfortable. I hate this subject and I hate talking about it. What if they start asking questions... What if they're going to think I am overreacting... "I'm really sorry I asked about it." Adam said and he sounded as if he was really sorry. People can always pretend, said an annoying voice at the back of my head. A voice that just won't leave me alone. I pushed him away and put him somewhere in my mind, so far away that he couldn't come back. Yet I already knew he would come back, the annoying voice in my head always finds a way to reach me. "It's okay, I mean. Yes, I don't like to talk about it, but it's not a weird question. I'm used to it.'' I replied, but Oliver interrupted me. "I don't mean this bad in any way and I don't want to appear obnoxious or anything, but maybe you're used to it, but I'm sure you're not okay with it." He said and to be honest... He was right, he was absolutely right. I always pretend that everything is fine with me, but I also always pretend that I have no problem with the bad relationship with my father. Maybe I'm used to it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt... I always tell everyone it's okay, it's better not to interact with him, that's what I say to myself too. I tell it myself so often that I almost started to believe it, but Oliver was absolutely right about what he said. I'm not okay with it. I just want a normal relationship with my dad. I want everything to be okay, it hurts every day and to be honest... I miss my dad... I felt the tears start to burn behind my eyes, but I wanted to stay strong. I didn't want to start crying in front of them all after the smallest thing. Crying never makes me feel better, it doesn't help, it just makes me feel worse. I felt Lando put his hand on my leg, shaking me out of my mind. "Yes, you are right, Oliver." I said while looking at the tea mug in my hands. "I... I miss him..." I said softly and surprised myself. I have never opened up, I always keep everything within myself and show as little emotions as possible to others. Here, with these people that I only knew for a few hours, it was different. They made me feel so welcome. It felt like I was someone, it felt like I was finally someone and really mattered. I felt loved and as if I am good enough, just like who I am. It's been so long time ago that I felt like this. That made it feel a bit weird, but most of all it felt great. I felt less stressed, anxious, restless and insecure. They felt like a family...