My Wrath is a Mirror | ONC 2022

Six

White Pine Park is—was—Kamryn's favorite park, and the same one I drove by on my first day back in Reading. The dreadful pit in my stomach returns at the mention of it, but the greedy blaze in my heart hasn't extinguished. Cursed, wretched heart.

"Mom, we talked about this already," I whisper harshly, my words belying the manic thumping in my chest. Our agent stepped out to speak with another loan officer in the building to discuss the details, leaving the three of us to hash it out, and I'm currently fighting a losing battle.

"You girls loved that place," Mom says, eyes shining. "And it reminds me of your sister." My gaze roams over her aged face, and then Janine's, who is silently staying out of it.

"It's condemned, Mom. They're demolishing it and will probably build some commercial leases," I argue, attempting to reason with her absurdity, but she rolls with the punches, as if she's been anticipating my kickback.

"With no out-of-town job lined up anymore and all the free time you have now, a project like this is right up your alley. You're good at fixing things, Millie." Her use of my nickname guts me as much as the jab at my lost job. "And do you really want the town to build a new strip mall in place of the park?"

Mom always knew where to hit hardest, and over the years that hasn't changed. I am good at fixing things, but am I good enough to handle an entire park? Let alone one that not even a municipality could keep up with? And I do prefer more greenspace than concrete and plaster—it's not something that belongs in the forest. But a park? A place for peace and laughter and picnics and sunshine? It feels foreign to me now, but the pocket of my mind where Kamryn takes up space is full of it. And it's how I would want to remember my sister. That sunshine and happiness is what I want this town to remember my sister by. Like a candle sparked to life in a dank tomb, I feel myself wanting, needing to make it real.

Our agent enters the room again, a glowing smile on her face. I take a slow breath, filling my lungs to full capacity, and turn to Mom once again. "Are you really doing this?"

"No, Millie," Mom smiles softly and brushes her hand over my hair. "You are."

Another two hours spent at the loan office and we have our Bid Offer form submitted with the help of our agent, who I learn is named Hattie, and an appointment with town officials tomorrow. When I comment that it all seems kind of fast, she assures me that the bank knows we're good for the money since we just sold our house, and that the town is eager to be done with the park. The first part of her explanation makes sense, but why would the town bother doing anything at all with the park if they're jumping at any chance to get rid of the property?

"There will most likely be some stipulations if they grant you the bid," Hattie tells the three of us. "The property has not been taken care of in quite some time, and there are many features in disrepair. The zoning laws are about the only thing that haven't changed."

Just as Janine mentioned the other day, the park isn't frequently visited, but after being stuck inside this room for my entire morning, I'm ready to get some fresh air. I am able to convince Janine to drop me off at the White Pine Park when we leave.

"Love you," Mom calls to me as I exit the vehicle. I wave, watching their SUV drive off until I can no longer hear the crunch of gravel beneath the tires, then text Loren. I can probably get her to pick me up and bring me home later. She'll probably grill me for more details on what happened last night, but that's a price I am more than willing to pay.

As I approach the gates to the park, I pass the signs declaring the property condemned and scowl. These people need to take a look around at the trees, tall and healthy, with fat cones littering the ground. The ripe smell of soil and leaf litter isn't pungent, but earthy and anthropic, and it reminds me that I am here and alive in the most vivid way I can be. That alone is worth saving, and I haven't even passed through the gates yet.