Keep the Spark Alive

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Four is not particularly suited to kindness. He never has been. That's part of why he never fit in with the other Abnegation, after all; his inability to carve away pieces of himself to give to others stuck out like a sore thumb. That, and the fact that he hated their two-faced duplicity with a passion so burning that it left him choking on the smoke.

He's always figured that even if he was Divergent, even if he contained multitudes of other factions within him, he never once showed a shred of Amity, either. Kindness, generosity, none of these have ever described Four. He certainly shouldn't be wishing for it now.

Yet, when he looks across the Dauntless training room, which is strewn with the fighting figures of initiation's latest round of transfers, he doesn't feel that usual call to apathy. Not now, at least. Four had supposed it would come later, when the initial interest of new faces had worn off and he was left with irritation prickling under his skin, that fidgety sort of feeling he gets when people refuse to do what's good for them.

Four has never been the most patient, even if he is forced to play the long game of waiting and hiding due to his status as a Divergent. It makes him insufferable, or so he's been told. Usually, Four just assumes he's better off alone and not reaching out to anyone. Fewer secrets are shared when no one knows about them in the first place.

That doesn't explain why he's ignoring that favored precept of his in favor of staring at one of the initiates yet again. Four tells himself that he doesn't do favorites, that he treats all of the trainees with the same blunt criticism and harsh words. It makes it easier that way. He once knew a few instructors who would place bets on their favorites, but they always ended up losing more than their money when their chosen trainees didn't make the cut.

Dauntless may not be a place that encourages its pupils to choose safety over fun, but Four always betrayed that particular principle while leading initiation. He's only been at it for a year or two, he can't afford any screw ups now. That's why he would do well to ignore that one initiate in the corner. It would be his best choice, but for some reason, it's the one path he refuses to travel.

As if Four has ever been known for his rational thought. There's a reason he's not in Erudite, after all, why he scorned every faction one after another until he could only ever end up here in Dauntless. Dauntless, where at last he's the one in power, where he'll risk his life again and again because at least in this faction people wear their hatred firmly on their sleeves instead of hiding it behind some ambiguous political game.

Perhaps Four isn't one for politicking, then, but that's no surprise. He does what he pleases, he likes who he likes, and when Y/N L/N happens to glance up at him when she finishes a round in the fighting ring, she doesn't look remotely shocked to see him looking at her again. No one is, but then again, no one notices Four's attention except Y/N herself.

Y/N is a transfer. Y/N is an initiate. Y/N is the one person that Four really should be avoiding, but can't seem to manage it. He doesn't know what it is about her that keeps calling his interest back to her again and again like the snap of a hypnotist's fingers, but his heart refuses to explain. His head has tried to make amends, but his heart keeps on traitorously beating, still seeking her out after every time Four promises himself he won't trust that magnetic pull to her again.

She never follows up on his attention, which makes her better than him, at least. She knows the rules. She's also a little bit afraid of him, Four thinks, which hurts him more than it should. Y/N seems to be frightened of nothing in this world but him, and that is why he can't bear to look away. Should he glance over at her once and find her willing to stand near him, maybe he would be able to guide his breathing back to a normal state, his heartbeat to return to rest once more.

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