rays of sunlight // Antoine Griezmann

Chapter 23

I stand in the attic, Antoine's hand in mine, watching the rays of sunlight flood in from the small window. Only about a month ago, I sat in this room, crying. Shaking at the memory of Antoine. When Antoine was nothing more than a memory.

Now he is physical. Now he is real. Now I have kissed him. He has kissed me. We have gone out together. We have snuggled on the couch, watching telly. He has wiped my tears countless times and put up with my crap even more times.

Antoine is forgiving. He's strong. He is protective. He is caring. He is everything I need. I act entitled. I can't keep myself together. I complain. I insult him. Yet he forgives me. He knows things are hard for me. Stress rises within me, because I know that every month, every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second I'm getting closer and closer to being a mother.

It is nerve racking.

But I know I will be able to do it. Antoine will be with me.

I have dreamed, on lonely afternoons when Antoine has been out shopping and what not, on days I didn't have work, of us. Having a baby. Raising him or her. He'd be with me. Maybe in some months I will have  a baby shower. Not sure who I would invite, though... Oh well. I don't have to worry about that yet. After the baby is born, maybe we could move to San Sebastian. We could have a wedding together there... Then go on a wonderful honeymoon, maybe in Bilbao or something. We could have a wedding on a beach, right on the water. Kiss against the bay and the lowering sun... Then we could have sex. Finally. And maybe, even, after my other baby is a little older, another kid. Another kid, but this time one of our own. I would just have to make sure Antoine wouldn't show any favoritism to his own kid, over mine and Eden's. I don't think he would, though. He is too perfect for that, isn't he?

My goodness, Belle, you are getting way too far ahead of yourself.

This is one of those such afternoons by myself. I wash dishes in the morning. Antoine is out a lot, doing things like I am too lazy to do, and he actually enjoys doing. Business. Things that need to get done. You know.

Suddenly, the door bell rings. I look up in confusion. Antoine has a key? Maybe he just forgot it or something...?

I pull myself up off the couch with a sigh, and peep through the peephole, like I always do before opening the door. It is something my father taught me to do. He was a smart man. Very smart.

My eyes widen when I see who it is. I recognize them right away. I haven't seen them since our father's funeral...

My older sister, Marie, and my older brothers, Pedro and Charlie. Marie has her dark hair down. I think it is dyed black. She has very natural, but beautiful, makeup on around her eyes and on her lips. She is wearing a colorful flowery blouse. Pedro has his curly hair cut very short, has a slit shaved in own eyebrow, and is wearing a bright yellow t-shirt. Charlie looks like how he always have- dark brown hair cut normal and short, wearing a grey flannel and a certain look in his brown eyes that I have never been able to figure out.

I throw up the door, saying, a huge grin on my face, "You couldn't have warned me you're coming or anything? I'm wearing my pajamas, guys!"

They all hug me, and come inside, looking around my house. It is clean. It never has been. I blame that on Antoine. I sit them all down for some tea, for going back to my room to get some real clothes on. I come back and give them their steeping tea. We sit in the living room. I am on the chair, and my three siblings are on the couch. I finally say, "Why'd you decide to come around, guys?"

Marie says with a smile, "Why not? We all decided, why not come back? I had to come to this area anyway for a job, and these two thought they might just come along."

"What do you mean? What is your career?"

"I'm a nature photographer. I have a job around here."

"Where do you normally live?"

"I got out of France. I have  a house in Italy, but I've been going all around Europe. It is really great, Belle."

I nod, impressed with my sister. I already know that Pedro is a police officer in Lisbon, Portugal, and Charlie is a writer, living in Madrid, Spain. I don't know why everyone I know lives in freaking Spain. What is so bad with France to them that keeps making them all want to leave. Even Antoine works in Spain!

"So how have things been for you?" Charlie says, gently leaning forward to put his hand on mine.

I am about to start speaking, when I hear the front door being unlocked. Pedro startles, saying, "Who's that?"

"Oh," I laugh at his nervousness. "It's just Antoine."

The three of them stare at me. Marie stunned. Charlie and Pedro confused. Of course Marie remembers Antoine. She was always the subject of our tormenting. Her and Maud. And, after Antoine kissed me that day before he left, I told her about it.

She remembers Antoine.

"Antoine who?" Pedro asks.

Then Antoine calls from the kitchen, where we have just heard him enter, "Belle, I bought you some noodles that I'll cook up with some red sauce.  I know you've especially been cravin' that lately."

I sit a few seconds, grinning at my siblings' reactions, before calling back, "Okay, thanks, Antoine! Why don't you come in here? There are... some visitors here. You might remember them... Or at least one of them..." I share a sneaky look with Marie. She doesn't give it back to me.

Antoine enters the room, holding a shopping bag in one hand, an apron tied around himself. His eyes widen. He knows right away. Of course he does. He's Antoine. "Belle, it is your siblings!" he says, sounding like a little boy on Christmas morning, and looking like one by the expression on his face, too.