Arnkatla's Semi Heroic Quest(s)

It Smells Like Bullshit

"Think about it for a second, the only reason grass exists is so the zebras have something to eat and the zebras only exist so the lions have something to eat but why do the lions exist? To keep the zebras in check but then why not just give the zebras no grass and take the lions out of the picture? But then what's the point of having zebras to begin with if they're just there to die?" the Sick One stammered, taking a seat on a deep blue bean bag chair "my point is, you could have nothing and everything would be fine, if everything just ceased to exist like that then no bad would come of it since everything's gone and nothing can possibly happen" she added.

"You really are a sick one..." Dragon said through a light chuckle, he had dismissed the Sick One's words as part of the arbetrarious task that was retrieving WAGED, he looked at his own reflection in the glimmering glass coffee table before him. "So you're tellin' me that if it were up to you, you'd just snap your fingers and let there be nothing?" Neb inquired, the Sick One nodded in confirmation as she leaned back in the beanbag chair, placing her hands behind her head. "She says things of this nature all the time" Radioactive Mind pointed out, leaning against a dark purple metal door. The door was littered with weathered warning labels. It had a fourteen digit combination lock fused into the place where the knob would be and had a silver bar in its place "what's in there?" Dragon asked.

"I've never been in there but I've seen elves running in and outta that place and I've never seen more that four at a time so that's probably how many of the buggers there are" Screwface elaborated, taking a step towards the door on which Radioactive Mind leaned. "I've tried to look inside but the door closes so quickly that all I've been able to see was a buncha shiny circle things and colourful metal sticks on a table in front of a giant moving picture".

"Hmm *sniff sniff* Do you smell that? It smells like...Bullshit..." Dragon said.

"He's telling the truth, from what I can tell, it's the room that the elves use to control the paragon of magic" Elec-Trick said in rebuttal. Dragon squinted, trying to decipher whether he was being played for a fool but from all he could gather, he had been told nothing short of the truth "alright then" he said. There was an inkling of hesitance in his tone as he still struggled to believe what he had recently been told in spite of the bizarre nature of their current situation. "What do we need to do now?" Neb asked.

"Oh right, we were getting off topic for a second there...Anyways, you've gotta go to the forge of Badassery which can be accessed at any of the outlets of Badassery located at the centre of each continent" the Sick One elaborated.

"We came here just for you to tell us that, that's something Radioactive Mind could've told us..." Dragon pointed out matter of factly, his arms were outstretched in an expression of distaste and impatience. The Sick One uttered no response and simply shrugged her shoulders whilst pursing her lips mockingly, Dragon shook his head "let us out already" he asserted, they found themselves in the village's streets instantaneously. The sun had set "we weren't gone long, how the hell did it get so dark so quickly!" Neb exclaimed.

"Yeah, welcome to Scotland" Dragon said with a roll of his eyes "we have to go to the continent's centre which is near the highlands, it won't take more than two hours" he added. Radioactive Mind, Screwface and Elec-Trick had remained within the paragon which Arnkatla had put into her satchel; she had climbed Dragon's back once more alongside Neb. "Why not just make a vortex and take us there right away?" Neb asked as Dragon took flight "I can only do it to places I've already been or can clearly visualise, and before you ask, a description isn't enough, I've gotta see it for myself" Arnkatla elaborated.

Well, we've finished talking with the Sick One which I thought was kinda pointless since all she told us was how to get to the forge of Badassery which was helpful, don't get me wrong, but like Dragon said, Radioactive Mind could've told us that. Even though it was pointless, I still think it was pretty cool visiting her, she had such a cool place and I had no idea she had been inside the paragon of magic all this time. And to think, she's inside my bag right now probably warm and cozy while Neb, Dragon and I have to endure Scotland's bloody freezing temperatures. That pisses me off a little bit but I won't let it get to me since it also gives me a good excuse to hold Neb, maybe it was just a blessing in disguise. Dragon says that we've gotta stop by the mountains so he can rest, which is fine by me since I'm not fond of flying to begin with, I don't like moving so fast that I can barely keep my eyes open. We stopped atop this weird looking boulder that was like fifty feet wide, I've never seen a single boulder that big in my life but I guess there's a first time for everything. Neb dismounted Dragon but I was still far too tired and weak to even dare disembark and so I just closed my eyes and tried to get some rest, Dragon seems to be doing the same. I just woke up to the sound of loud crunching and realised that Neb was eating a grapefruit, I asked him why it was so loud and he told me it was frozen which I guess makes sense. He had a ton of grapefruit by his feet which he had probably used his cloak's hood to carry but Dragon didn't eat a single one cuz apparently citrus is poison to reptiles, I never would'a guessed. I asked Neb why he didn't just use his powers to heat up the grapefruit and he said he likes them frozen like that, kinda weird. It's still pitch black out so I'm guessing that not much time has passed which is great...We've finished the last of the grapefruit but I'm still pretty hungry...I wonder what would happen if I ate Screwface...

He tasted vile, biggest mistake of my life, why did Dragon have to leave the fish and bread behind? He didn't seem to be bothered by Screwface's awful flavour but that's probably because it wasn't pseudo cannibalism for him. Screwface almost looks human, more human than those other two.