Wolf Like Me • Bucky Barnes

chapter fifteen

"do i pull you in like you pull me?
will i go insane?
how you have this hold on me."
- Hold, Built for the Sea

☾

How could I fall for someone so fast?

When Bucky is the someone, the answer's in the question.

It's Bucky. How could I not?

We have five more weeks of sessions.

After that.. I hope we can go back to being friends. Maybe pick up where we left off on that rooftop at New Years..

But right now, I have to love him from afar. More specifically, I have to love him from across the coffee table.

Bucky sits opposite me, closed off and unhappy, his attitude resembling that of our first sessions together.

But I know it's not because of me, or us.

This morning there was a live broadcast of Sam Wilson, handing over Captain America's shield to the Smithsonian.

"He had no right.." Bucky says, his tone laced with disappointment and betrayal. "It's wrong. Sam shouldn't have given it up."

He's clearly bothered by it, but that's all I can get from him on the subject. He's too closed off to let me reach the root of his emotions.

But it did just happen this morning. Perhaps he himself is yet to fathom why it's upsetting him so much.

I know the shield is one of the only things left of his best friend, but this goes even deeper.

"I think you should talk to him. To Sam." I say. "You were friends, right?"

"More like acquainted colleagues." he replies, wearing his old scowl.

"When was the last time you spoke?"

He shrugs and looks out the window.

"You should talk to him and find out why he did what he did. He was a friend of Steve's too.. Maybe he's hurting as well."

I just want to reach out and smooth the frown lines from his face. I want to comfort him, hug him, hold his hand.. but I can't.

I have to let my words do the soothing.

Staying away from him feels unnatural, compared to the ease of being close.

Do I have five weeks of restraint in me?

☾

Bucky improves over our next two sessions.

While he's obviously still bothered by the shield incident, and still won't talk about it, he's more open and willing with every other subject.