All The Good Things

Chapter 17 - "Did you play your role?"

"...and then he just stood and walked away, saying that he didn't think Frisbee Football was fun, which I think is a lie, because the first half of the game he seemed to be having fun," Ash said.

"Did I tell you how he evened out the score and kept it completely balanced? I mean, from a player standpoint that is pretty impressive because he was able to maintain the balance while playing with twelve other players. But from a psychological standpoint, it's fascinating. If you think..."

Dr. Ellerson interrupted Ash by clearing her throat. Ash pursed her lips shut as she was reminded she wasn't there to talk about Zach, but herself.

"When he left abruptly, how did that make you feel?" Dr. Ellerson asked.

"How did it make me feel?" Ash repeated as she tried to refocus her brain back on herself. "We were having a nice conversation and then out of the blue he just stood up and walked away. We didn't even get to see the end of Jason and Mel's argument. Zach made this grand hypothesis that it was all about the mother, but how could he know that if he didn't even follow through with his observation?

"It was sloppy psychology, if you ask me. Professor Huxley says that your gut instinct is good, but you have to follow it up with concrete evidence. Maybe Zach isn't as good as I had originally thought."

Ash got lost in her thoughts as she recalled all the times he had been more capable and observant than she had ever imagined, so that wasn't the answer.

After a minute, she realized it was silent and she looked over at Dr. Ellerson. She had a patient look on her face as she asked again, "And how did that make you feel?"

At this point, Ash wasn't surprised Dr. Ellerson saw through her distraction tactics, but she still always tried just on the off chance it worked.

"We're looking for an emotion," Dr. Ellerson added.

"Confused," Ash said quietly.

She hated confusion. It made her feel helpless. If she was confused then it meant she didn't fully understand the situation, and if she didn't fully understand the situation, then she couldn't control it. Even admitting she had been confused felt like a sort of defeat.

Dr. Ellerson nodded and was quiet for a moment before she asked, "And how do you feel about it now?"

"Annoyed! Zach did something dumb and now I'm spending my whole therapy session talking about it. We shouldn't even be talking about this. It's so annoying!" she said, feeling more comfortable ranting. "Most people could probably just move on and forget about it. Most people would probably be more understanding and just make up an excuse as to why he had acted that way and just let it be. But here I am, talking about it in therapy. This is why I don't have friends."

Dr. Ellerson gave her a few minutes to fume before she asked another question. "Do you want to talk about what you want to say the next time you see Zach?"

"Oh, I already saw him," Ash said, her irritated emotions receding as she realized she had found a way to move the conversation on. "We took a yoga class together."

"And how did that go?" Dr. Ellerson asked.

"Fine...." Ash let the word hang in the air as she remembered how that event ended. She had made it out of one touchy topic only to step into another.

"Can you say more about the class?"

"It wasn't fun, I'll tell you that," Ash said, trying to laugh but it came out hoarse. "The teacher wasn't great. He had all these grand ideas about 'the universe' and half of what he said was complete nonsense. I was just there to workout and here was this guy trying to tell me how to 'accept the gifts of the universe'," Ash said, adopting the mystical tone Daniel, the teacher, had used.