Fear

(1)

"Please! Spare me!"

"I have a family!"

"Don't! Don't!"

Tsuna shot up, his face sweaty. Panting heavily, he tried to rid himself of the bloody, vivid nightmare he saw.  A frown formed on his face.

He never wanted to be Vongola Decimo. Reborn forced him onto this duty, and then he, Tsuna, forced his friends into the mafia world.

His pale hand formed a tight fist on the blanket. His friends couldn't go through the murderous events. Especially Yamamoto and Sasagawa. They weren't part of the mafia until Reborn came around. ( Hibari too, of course.. but he most likely would be able to go through a murder... being part of the Disciplinary Committee and all..  )

It wasn't easy to confront this.. reoccurring nightmare.... to them. Anytime he would have tried, something went in the way of it, causing him to forget or drop it. Like he wasn't meant to tell. Eyes softening, he released his tight grip. His whitened hand slowly returned back to its regular color; was beginning to hurt anyway.

Reborn was away on a side mission from Nono, and was allowed to postpone his tutoring. Normally, Reborn would decline every other mission given from Nono, but apparently this time it was important business.

Tsuna sighed, and glanced at the time.
7:04 AM.
He wasn't exactly late for school.. was he? It didn't matter. It wasn't like he was going to try and be early. He wasn't even going to go back to sleep after 'witnessing' the sixth boss murdering an innocent person with a triumphant look on his face and his subordinates snickering and—Tsuna felt a shiver down his spine for a second. No. Get it out of your mind.

Slipping on his uniform, he made his way down the stairs, surprisingly not tripping like he normally would. His mother was awake, like she always was.

The brunette held a cheerful smile on her face as she set down a plate of breakfast for him. As she was humming to herself, she turned to see him. Shocked for a moment, she stopped humming. Nana quickly regained her composure and her smile was quickly back on her face. Tsuna almost hadn't noticed her shocked expression, truthfully.

"Tsu-kun, you're up early," she murmured. He smiled back, and took a seat.

Lambo, Fuuta, and I-Pin were already eating. Lambo tried to steal some of I-Pin's food, which failed, and caused the two five-year-olds to run around the house in the sudden game of tag. Fuuta was watching quietly, before getting up and resolving the conflict. The nine-year-old then told them to finish eating, to which the younger children complied to.

He suddenly remembered seeing an innocent person die by the hands of the second Vongola boss, making him lose his appetite. He frowned again, but tried to eat.

"Tsu-kun, is something the matter?" Nana asked. Tsuna knew she eventually would. Somehow, a mother knew everything, but the one thing she didn't know of was the mafia.

Nana was a smart woman, a bit dense at certain moments in time, but to not be aware of the mafia for all these years was a bit of a feat. He understood why his father kept her out of it—once she knew she wouldn't go back—but wouldn't it have been better to let her be aware? Or maybe she knew the whole time, but pretended not to.

"I.. I'm fine, kaa-san," he managed, swallowing a lump in his throat.
Nana frowned, but nodded.

"Tsu-kun, if anything bothers you, you let me know, okay?"

Tsuna paused. He wanted to confront her and tell her about his fears and his doubts, his troubles, his complaints, everything, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't possibly endanger his mother.

"Okay.." he said quietly. Nana then smiled, and ruffled his hair. That, made Tsuna feel at ease, despite the fact he didn't prefer her to do it anymore. Although he still lost his appetite, he tried to at least eat toast ( to not worry her ) as he went out the door.

Yamamoto and Sasagawa were on a morning jog together, something they began to do now and then, and noticed him. Tsuna simply waved and continued on his way, leaving the athletic teens baffled. Honestly, he wasn't in the mood to ever explain what caused him to be up this early, and.. maybe if he tried to study for today's test he would get it off his mind.

In the class, he set his bag down, and finally realized how many days it had been since he returned from the future. It had only been three days since he came back from the future. Tsuna slumped in his seat, forgetting about the option to study. Was the future him doing okay? Was he.. still alive? Could that bullet have been a real one? The brunet shook his head, dismissing the thought.

"Tsuna-kun?" turning his head, he saw Kyoko and Hana looking over at him, concerned.

"You're usually pumped up whenever Kyoko calls you," Hana remarked, "and you're never at school early."

"Is something the matter?"

Hana suddenly commented to herself she was getting worried for a stupid monkey, but still stayed, curious. She wasn't part or aware of the mafia.. was she?

Tsuna only gave a strained smile and set his head down, tired. He could tell Kyoko still frowned. Hana probably rose an eyebrow. He didn't care right now. Right now, he wasn't feeling good. He felt like throwing up his breakfast, even though he barely ate.

"Jyuuuuudaiiiiimeee!!"

And that made him feel worse. A hand clasping his mouth, he stood up, but the nausea suddenly left him.

"The baseball-freak said you went to school early today, and that you didn't look well," he said quickly, and to Tsuna, he hardly caught it because his thoughts began to slur, "Jyuudaime, you really don't look well. He was right."

Gokudera's tone was surprisingly stern. And then it reminded him of when he first saw the future Gokudera, his eyes longing and full of grief. The nausea flew back to him.

"I.. I'm fine.. give me... a moment.."  he stammered, trying hard to not let his words slur.

Unfortunately, his body wasn't cooperating with him as he suddenly found himself collapsing. The three students were calling his name in worry, and for a moment he almost thought he heard Gokudera call him by his name, rather than Jyuudaime. Defeated and exhausted, he closed his eyes.

.

Tsuna weakly opened his eyes to a white ceiling. Suddenly aware of what happened, he jerked up, but immediately regretted it. Everything spanned for a moment before he looked down, the dizziness slowly going away.

"Tsuna?"

It was Yamamoto.

"Tsuna-kun?"

Kyoko..?

"J-Jyuudaime, is something the matter?"

Gokudera.. too?

He finally looked up, seeing their worried faces along with Hana's expressionless stare. He was in the infirmary, he figured. There was no way he was at home or at a hospital, for sure. He simply passed out.

"I'm fine.. I was-"

"Sawada, just shut up," came the voice of Hana. Tsuna widened his eyes in surprise for a moment, "you're obviously not feeling well if you decided to come to school early, look pale, and then collapse minutes after arriving to the school."

The brunet bit his lip.

"Kurokawa, I'm fine. I was... just.. really tired from studying last night," he lied, surprised it came out smoothly.
Hana rose an eyebrow, before shrugging.

"Well, I'm guessing that's true since your grades have been getting better."

He sighed in relief, ready to get out of the bed. Tsuna was not going to worry his friends. Gokudera had stopped him, claiming he needed more rest, but Tsuna protested. He wasn't going to rest or worry anyone.

Because... every time he slept, the bloody nightmares would return.

A/N- when this is finished its going on my FF account as a full one-shot.