The Sun Will Shine Again (A Lesbian Story)

Part 2

The cause of the explosion had been a gas leak, the firemen had told the residents of the apartment, but that didn't matter to me. Cara was gone, along with three others. Her family arranged for a funeral a couple days later. The casket was closed, and the funeral was not the first or last time I cried for her. I temporarily moved into my parents' house, in my old room. The sun no longer shined for me. I kept the curtains closed and it endlessly rained. I didn't leave my bed for days, with the only exception being getting up to go to the restroom or shower. I would sit in the shower, the stream of water spraying my face, and cry. When I got out, I'd go back to bed and cry until I couldn't cry anymore or was too exhausted to stay awake. My parents had to force me to eat anything because I wasn't hungry, and all I could do was scroll through the pictures of her on my phone. I thought life wasn't worth living anymore. I was stuck in a deep, dark abyss, all alone with fragments of memories surrounding me. Our last night together was stuck on repeat in my head – the euphoria and invincibility I had felt. Now it was all gone. I knew I must escape this lonely, tenebrous world.

When I finally had gathered the strength to leave, I left without a word. I planned to go to a bar to drink away my sorrows. The sky had been cloudy and dark before I left, but I decided to not take an umbrella anyways. I was like a zombie as I walked to the bar far from my home. My feet dragged with my hands shoved in my jacket pockets. My eyes drooped and I gazed empty-mindedly at everyone and everything I passed. I finally reached the bar, which was just opening up for the evening, it's bright neon signs a stark contrast to the place I occupied in my mind.

I headed straight for the bar stools, asked for an entire bottle of sake, and threw some dollar bills onto the counter. The bartender quickly served me, and I drank shot after shot, knowing that it was a bad idea. I couldn't handle alcohol. It made me sick. Cara would never let me drink – and she wouldn't want me to drink, now – but I couldn't stop myself. I needed relief. I needed to feel something else. I immediately grew tipsy and sick to my stomach. I sprinted into the bathroom and vomited in the toilet. When my stomach was settled, I left the bar. The rain had already begun, the sidewalk was scarce of people, and those who did occupy it carried umbrellas. I stepped out from the awning and let the cold water wash over me. I hung my head so it wouldn't drop into my eyes and pushed my short hair out of my face. Without any strength left to stand, I plopped onto the ground, numb to the outside world. My heart was as heavy as lead and my skin was as cold as ice.

After an unknown amount of time – it could have been seconds, minutes, or even hours – someone crouched next to me, holding an umbrella over my head. I looked up with apathetic eyes and saw a young woman with long bleached-white hair and concerned amber eyes.

"Are you alright?" she asked me. I stared at her blankly, and she offered me a hand. "Come on, let's get you some place dry. You're going to get sick sitting out here in the rain." Before I even processed what she said, I gripped her hand, and she pulled me to my feet. We closely walked together underneath her umbrella, and we entered a new-looking apartment building. She closed her umbrella and shook it off before leading me to an elevator. The woman pressed the button for the third floor, and the elevator closed its door and traveled up. When we stepped onto the wooden tiles, she made a right and stopped at the third door on the left and unlocked it. I gazed up at the apartment number – 306.

"Come on in," she said. "Don't be shy. I'll go get a towel and some dry clothes. Oh, and take off your shoes. Do you want some tea?" I shook my head, entering her apartment's den and leaving my shoes near the door. What am I doing here? I asked myself. I don't even know this woman. But then I realized I was aching for the warm touch of another female. I missed Cara so much. One evening we were happily eating dinner, and the next thing I knew, she was gone in the blink of an eye. All it took was one accident. I needed her, but she couldn't love me or hold me or kiss me anymore. The loss of her had hit me hard in the gut, like I was back in middle school playing dodge ball.