This Beautiful World - Book #1 (BxB)

Chapter 25

Night approached quickly. I felt a bit nervous as I got ready to join Arin downstairs. This wouldn't be my first time with him while he was on night watch, but I felt a little bit of pressure this time. We were only keeping an eye out for monsters and while he mentioned before that it was usually uneventful, I still wanted to do well. I wanted him to ask for my help more often.  

Alex took notice of how fidgety I seemed to be as I prepared to leave. I didn't mention to him before where I was going, so he had no idea what my plans were tonight. I kept it a secret from everyone in my group. I didn't want them to worry about me, even though I was only trying to do my part and help out. 

When I was about to leave, Alex finally asked, "Where are you going so late?"

I felt a bit hesitant to respond to him. I wasn't sure why I felt this way. Perhaps it was because I knew Alex's opinion on helping out. He believed that it was a waste of time and that we should mainly focus on ourselves. But I couldn't sit back and do that. Doing the night watch was a part of keeping everyone safe.

While I may have hesitated with my answer, I felt obligated to let him know what I was up to. "I'm helping Arin out. He asked me to help him keep watch tonight while everyone else sleeps."

"So you're going to help him? Just the two of you?" This response made Alex sit up. From the look on his face, I could tell that he wasn't too thrilled about this. 

"Yes . . . why? They always have two people on night watch. If you paid more attention and were willing to help out, then you would know this by now," I shot at him. Even after speaking with him the other day, Alex still seemed completely uninterested in helping out. I knew that his main focus was me and Riley, but it would have been nice if he would be more willing to lend a hand. 

He didn't argue back like I thought that he would. Instead of seeming annoyed by my comment, Alex grabbed my hand. "Don't go, Aiden. Stay here with me and don't leave me for him."

I didn't understand why he worded it that way. "Alex . . . it's not like I'm abandoning you to spend time with someone else. I'm doing this because I want to help out. That's all, I promise."

"Do you still like me?"

His question seemed to come out of nowhere. I glanced away. "Why are you asking this all of a sudden? Please don't try to confuse me right now. My feelings for you have nothing to do with tonight."

He didn't respond right away. Alex looked up at my face, trying to read my expression. Soon enough, he let go of my hand, then turned his back on me. "Fine. I hope that you have fun with Arin tonight."

I chose not to respond back. Staying silent seemed better than fighting with him about this. Plus, his reaction confused me a little bit. I didn't understand why Alex was suddenly acting like this. He already knew that I had a crush on him, but he never seemed to care before. He once told me that nothing would ever happen between us, so being anything more than friends was something that I let go of. 

Without saying another word to him, I left the room, the candle illuminating my way. The rest of my group was also beginning to turn in for the night. I was heading downstairs a little later than I intended. I hoped that Arin wouldn't think that I got cold feet. Being scared wasn't going to stop me. I also wanted some time away from Alex. I felt a bit disoriented after my conversation with him. I needed some time to think it over. Maybe then it would make sense to me. 

Once I finally got downstairs, I saw that Arin had already arrived. No one else was down here with him. He was sitting by the window, looking outside. He hadn't noticed yet that I was finally here to join him. He didn't glance up at me until I took the seat across from him. I looked out the window as well but saw nothing. There were no zombies. There was only silence. 

"Are you okay?" Arin broke the silence between us. 

I wasn't entirely sure how I was feeling right now. The interaction with Alex only left me with questions. I wanted to know what was going through his head. Alex and I grew up together. We had spent so much time together, but he was still a mystery to me. He was never one to express his feelings openly. 

Perhaps Arin could make some sense of this for me. 

"Um . . . before coming down here, I had a short conversation with Alex. It wasn't much, but he seemed unhappy that I was coming down here to help you out. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but he seemed particularly upset that I would be alone with you." At least, that's what it seemed like to me. Maybe he would have been upset with me spending time alone with anyone, not just Arin. As far as I knew, these two didn't have a problem with one another. I have hardly seen them interact. 

Arin was quick to respond. "It sounds like he might be jealous."

Jealousy never crossed my mind, but now that he said it, it made sense. Though, Alex didn't seem like the type to get jealous. He was always so nonchalant about things so I assumed that he didn't care that much. If Alex were actually jealous that I was spending time with another man, then I would question his feelings for me. If he did feel something other than just friendship, then I wasn't sure how I would react. Ever since I developed a crush on him, all he ever did was push my feelings away. It left a bitter taste in my mouth. 

I directed the conversation at Arin this time. "Have you ever been in a relationship before?"

Part of me wanted to know about his experience with this sort of thing. I felt like a lot of my confusion came from the fact that I never had this type of experience before. I never dated anyone. I've never even kissed anyone before. Growing up, I always tried to suppress my sexuality. Due to that, I missed out on opportunities and experiences. I only opened up once I reached college. Though, it wasn't like it mattered now considering we may have been facing the end of the world. 

Arin shrugged, then looked back out the window. "I've never been in a relationship. When things were normal, I had a co-worker that I would hook up with every now and then, but it was never anything serious. He was just a fuck buddy whenever things got too stressful for me."

"So smoking and sex are how you would relieve your stress?" I asked. The few conversations with Arin made it seem like he had a tough life before all of this, but I didn't want to ask. I didn't want to pry into his business.

"Trust me, it takes a weight off your shoulders, even if it's only for a little while. But since it is the apocalypse, it seems like smoking may be my only means of stress relief until I run out," he said, then let out a sigh. "But perhaps what you said earlier was right. This gives me the chance to finally quit."

"That's the spirit." I gave him a small smile. I was trying to be the optimistic one right now. I added in a teasing tone, "Plus, you could still find a cute guy to hook up with. That stress relief doesn't have to necessarily end."

Arin chuckled at this, then looked me in the eyes and gave me a smirk. "Are you suggesting that cute guy be you?"

I wasn't expecting that response from Arin. His words made me blush, and I quickly looked away from him. "L-let's change the subject!" 

"Your reaction is adorable." He stood up and held his hand out to me. "Come on. Let's start our patrol now."

His words made my face feel like it was on fire, but I took his hand. It was finally time for me to help him with the night watch.