Pay and Pay

Chapter 9

THERE had been some light snow off and on for two weeks, and everyone was resigned to a long and hard winter. The cold and grey November weather did nothing to improve Kevvin's mood. He was not pleased with recent developments in his department at work. The department head had become 'magisterial.' There was no other word to describe the change in her, he thought. Earlier in the week, he had written the required memo to Personnel to inform them that he would be taking several days from his vacation during the weeks after the upcoming Christmas and New Year's Day holidays. That would give him two full weeks in which to concentrate on his writing except for the one or two days he must spend with his family.

The day before, he had received a memo back from Personnel. The tone of the note was rather too high-handed when addressed to a section head like himself, but the greater annoyance came from their refusal to approve his request for the vacation time, justifying their decision by some obscure policy. Kevvin was aware of the policy in question, but considered that it applied only to ordinary workers, not to management.

Kevvin had gone to the personnel office to discuss the matter further, but was told bluntly that the policy was applicable to all staff below the level of department head. He then went to his department head. She had been unsympathetic when he pointed out that he had done the same in previous years and that she had allowed it. She countered that he had done it twice before, and reminded him that after the second occurrence, she had told him such a request must be submitted for her approval in advance, and that he had not done that. What she said after that made Kevvin leave her office fuming. She had told him that such permission would not be granted except in exceptional circumstances, and since Kevvin had none to offer, his request was refused.

Kevvin did not even think to try to explain his reasons. He knew that the bureaucratic mentality the woman embraced could never comprehend the reasons why he needed the time off. He was feeling increasingly stifled by the constraints that a full-time job imposed on his writing. After the tedium of a long day at the office, he was beginning to find it difficult to concentrate in the evenings. That left only the weekends with any long stretches of uninterrupted time in which to give his creativity free rein.

For over a month, Kevvin had found to his horror that he had not written a single new word worth keeping nor had he been able to put together a decent outline for a new story. He felt as though the soul had gone out of him. It was as if the creative fires had burned so low that they could not provide even a spark for anything new. All the passion had gone out of his life.

Kevvin had not left his apartment since arriving home the night before. He had even passed up his weekly ritual of reading the Times over coffee that morning. The gloomy overcast outside had combined with his own sullen mood, and even his attempt to do some story plotting that morning had not lasted more than a couple of hours. He then spent the afternoon dusting his books and cleaning the apartment, something anyone could have done. After a bowl of soup and a sandwich for his supper, he knew that he did not want to face the evening alone. He needed to go out because being around people was stimulating for him. He had always known that his best ideas were drawn from the observation of those around him. In one sense, people were his Muse.

When he remembered that, Kevvin smiled. Inspiration was the word to describe what he wanted. Perhaps some inspiration might rekindle his waning passion, or passion provide some inspiration. The more he thought about it, the more certain he became that that was exactly what he needed to do. It had been three or four months since he had sought that kind of inspiration, and it had turned out to be an enjoyable if only trifling diversion. Kevvin decided that he would go to his favourite bar to see what inspiration or even passion might be obtainable there. He was already feeling better. An as yet unknown Muse could help him a great deal.