Reverberation - Guns N Roses Fanfiction

ELEVEN - the night

September 14th, 1991
Midnight

I scowled--because I knew he was right.

And he knew I knew.

I sighed, harsh and loud and not even bothering to conceal my displeasure.

He smiled at me to try and diffuse the tension.

"Fine," I grumbled.

-

I didn't want to make things even more awkward, so I just shuffled into bed next to him without a word or hesitation, sliding under the covers.

The neighbour on the other side of my wall had their TV playing obnoxiously loud. It was some basic sit-com, and we lay there listening to its muffled cued laughter.

I couldn't stop thinking about how close he was; of what he was wearing and not wearing under the covers. Our breaths were mingling in shared space, like the time earlier just that day where...

I sighed. "Izzy."

"Yeah."

"I don't want things to be weird."

"Me neither." A pause. "Let's not make them weird; let's just sleep so that we don't feel... tempted."

I chuckled softly into the pillow and turned over to face him. He lay staring blankly at the ceiling, his arms folded behind his head. I watched him as I asked, "I'm really that desirable?"

He didn't hesitate, "To me, yes. Of course you are."

I propped my head on my hand, bending my arm on top of my pillow. "You're just saying that so I don't kick you off the bed in the middle of the night."

"Not true, Cassie, not true at all."

I didn't say anything for a moment, obliterated by his truth-bomb. Then I whispered into the darkness of the room, "You can call me Cass... if you want."

Izzy was quiet. "Is that... does that have a special meaning to you? That name, I mean."

I nodded and told him, "Yes. My... my dad used to call me that. And, well, I know Axl used to call me that, but... I would appreciate it if you did."

"Right. Of course. I'm glad that you... feel so comfortable with me."

For a long time, we lay there with our eyes closed, not moving, but then the moment ended and we began to turn over in the bed so as to become more comfortable for the night ahead.

Then, a sigh emitted from Izzy.

"What's wrong?" I whispered to him. I was facing the other way, but it was quiet enough in the room that my words reached him.

His voice was nearly incomprehensible, probably muffled equally from tiredness and the pillow his face was moulding, "Can't sleep."

"I can see that. Why not?"

"You tell me--you're not asleep either."

"No," I admitted, twisting to lay on my other shoulder and look at him. "But it might have something to do with my loud ass neighbour."

Izzy suddenly moved his arms so that they were under him for support, and he had a look somewhere between amazement and relief on his face. "Right?!"

I laughed. "Oh, for sure! Why are those people next to us blaring some shitty sit-com? It's, like, 1am!"

Izzy laughed, too--with his whole body: mouth grinning, his head tilted back, the edges of his eyes creasing. "I have no idea."

I just chuckled, too busy studying him to say anything that would further the conversation.

"Hey," Izzy said, suddenly quiet and even a bit serious. "I need to say something."

"Alright, I'm listening," I smiled. I ignored the way my stomach turned when he looked at me like that, calm and steady and completely focused on me--just me.

"Okay," he started with a sigh, "I just wanted to tell you that... if you had pulled away, or just hadn't kissed me back, I just want you to know, I would have stopped. I never would have wanted to put you in that position, or make you feel... obligated. Or taken advantage of. I want you to understand that. Because there wasn't exactly consent, but I like to think there was... understanding."

"Of course there was," I assured him without hesitation, "If there hadn't been, there would have been a slap. From me, to you." I smiled at him, earning myself a raspy laugh. "And, also..." I traced invisible patterns on the mattress space between us, "I wouldn't have let you into my bed."

"Good," he said. "I'm glad that we have an understanding."

"Yeah. But... Izzy?"

"Mhm?"

"Um..." my cheeks heated at the thought of what I wanted to say. I averted my gaze. "Nevermind."

"Oh, come on," he teased gently, tapping me playfully on the shoulder. "You've got me listening now."

I grinned into the partial darkness. "Right... well. I guess I'll just say it. I liked kissing you earlier. Just wanted you to know."

"Oh," Izzy said, almost like he was surprised. I couldn't understand that--he was an excellent kisser.

I decided to turn over again to get a look at him, find out what he was feeling by seeing his expression.

He hadn't moved, he just kept watching me. Like he wanted to etch my silhouette into his memory. Like, someday, I could be just that--a memory; and one that he wanted to remember.

"Izzy?" I whispered.

He met my eyes almost immediately, as though waking from a daydream, and gave me a sweet, crooked smile. "Can I kiss you again, then?"

My heart thundered as I nodded. "Absolutely."

There was no hesitation on his part. He took my the side of my head in his hand with the gentlest of care and pressed a kiss to my lips. When he pulled back for air, I moved forward and stole another. And another. Until we were breathless.

It was us and the bedsheets around my legs, stuck trying to get to his. It was cautious yet carefree, caught in a flurry of motions. We were on our sides--a difficult position when you want to wrap yourself around someone, so I pulled away. I knew that I could never go any further than what we'd already done, anyway. I had already begun to feel my willingness dwindle, my heart begin to pound, as our mouths meshed as one.

I rested my head back into my pillow and pulled my legs away from his. "I'm sorry," I whispered, a lock of hair falling into my line of sight.

"It's not your fault," Izzy assured me, tucking the strands behind my ear, and I could see him once more--the silhouette of his cheekbones, his chin, his nose; perfection as rendered by lines and curves and dips. Some sort of link between us went taut at his touch, all my nerves standing on end.

I just nodded and closed my eyes. "We should rest now."

"We should," he replied without another word.

And then he pressed a kiss to my forehead--our last touch of the night.

--

This is boring and lowkey cringe sorry lol well happy thanksgiving to my fellow canadians

-megan xx