Summer of Us

Chapter 4

The water in the pond is freezing, and once the high of Monty seeing me naked has worn off, it's hard to stay in. We play a massive volleyball game with a beach ball someone had blown up and tossed in, and then when girls' teeth start chattering, the boys follow them out. I cover up what I can in front of CJ, but at one point on our walk back to get our clothes I'm too chilled to the bone to care. I pull my sweatshirt on before anything, thankful I had decided to wear it, and then my underwear next. Everything else is clenched in my hand as we make our way back to CJ's truck.

He notices my shivering, and pulls up the moving blanket that's in the bed of the truck. He shakes the dirt and leaves out of it, then wraps it around my shoulders, and lets me get in even though my feet are filthy. He rounds the car, starts it with the heat going full blast, then shuts the door to wring out all the clothes he's not wearing that he used as a towel, dressed in nothing but his briefs. His friends wave as they pass, Bobby still fucking naked, and after they're gone he lifts himself into the driver's seat.

"Jesus," he says, voice animated as he sets his phone in a cup holder and slams the door shut. He rubs his hands together, blowing on them and looking at me bundled up in the passenger seat. "How about you slide over here so we can share that blanket? I'm freezing."

I inch my way towards him like a fattened caterpillar on its back, reluctantly opening my left arm up like a wing. He takes the edge of the blanket and pulls it over his own shoulders, using his other to reach past my leg to put the car in park. When we're moving, he wraps an arm around me and drives with one hand, sniffing like his nose is running.

For the first time since rekindling our friendship, I let my guard down and rest my head on his shoulder, my shivers soon coming to a stop. Monty stays in my head, everything we talked about, the way he looked tonight. I would give anything for him to text me, tonight or tomorrow. Maybe it'd be fine if I did it first.

No, that wouldn't be fair to him, or Ashley.

"Did you have fun?" CJ asks me when we're parked in his driveway, still bundled up together. Monty had said CJ wanted me, which sounds about right, but what if it's wrong and it makes everything awkward?

"Yeah," I answer honestly, wiping my sleeve under my nose. "I've never been skinny dipping before."

"I knew you'd like it," he says softly. "You're beautiful, by the way." Meaning I looked great without any clothes on.

That's all the confirmation I need. I might have mishandled the Monty situation, but I won't mishandle this one. CJ is my oldest friend, and for now, I'd like to keep it that way.

"Ceej, I know this might come as a shock to you, but I don't see you that way."

"Is this about growing up together?" he says. "Because we haven't spoken in like, five years, where I did a lot of growing up. I'm different now."

"Yeah, ok. You ditched me during freshman year. How do I know you won't just do it again after we hook up?"

But this is the wrong thing to say, because it gives him a sliver a hope that it'll happen. "I won't. Ask any of my exes. I'm a sweetheart."

"Bull."

"Kiss me."

"NO," I say loudly, leaning away from him. "You're not listening to me."

"Just one kiss," he must've smoked something at that party, because he's giggling like a girl. "And then you can determine if you want to sleep with me or not."

"You're a pig."

"Aves, come on—"

"I like Monty, CJ!"

Silence falls over us, the only sound being the critters outside and the loud blow of the a.c. vents. It's his turn to look away from me, and he looks near disgust when he says, "What?"

"I have feelings for him, ok?"

"What the fuck for?" he demands, and it's so funny to hear him swear. Like a teddy bear trying to act tough. "You do know he has a girlfriend, right?"

"I am aware," I say miserably, sinking into the seat. Unbearably aware.

"The hell does he have that I don't?" he says. "He's gross, Ava. He doesn't bother to take care of himself and probably has an STD."

"What is wrong with you?" I say, getting angry. Outside my house, the porch light flickers on. It makes me feel watched. "He's my friend. And you sound exactly like the ass hat you were back in high school. I thought you said you changed?"

"I thought you changed," he counters, letting his side of the blanket go. It sags behind his back and becomes a wrinkled mess between him and the seat. "But no, you're still adamant on hanging out with wayward kids going nowhere."

"Last I checked you're going nowhere fast too. What happened? You were supposed to be Mr. Notre Dame."

"You think that was my choice?" he snaps. "You think I'd stay here if I were given the chance? I hate it here, Ava. I hate going to the same places I've always gone, I hate hanging out with the same people I've been hanging out with since high school. You think it doesn't kill me every single second to be here? You think you're the only person who has an attitude about staying the fuck home?"

I sit in silence, not anticipating that. I haven't seen CJ this angry in a while. Not since ...

Not since junior year. Not since prom, when he had stormed over to the table and started arguing with Monty about something I didn't understand. We had gone as friends, him and I, along with Trent and Star, who had been off taking pictures of dancing or something, and it sounded a lot like CJ was threatening Monty. I had stood up along with them, demanding to know what was going on, and without answering CJ left as quickly as he'd come. When inquired about it, Monty had replied it was "Just bullshit."

"He's not good enough for you, Aves," CJ says quietly now, as if all the swearing made him realize what a douche he's being. "That Monty kid. I don't like the way he was talking to you tonight, when he has a girl and all."

"We were just talking. We're friends."

"Does he know? Is that why he looks at you like that?"

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. "God, like what?"

CJ turns to me, eyes dark and serious. "Like he wants to have his cake and eat it, too."

"You're delusional." I would have seen it. I'm more receptive of these things now. It used to be there, whatever feelings Monty had for me, but now they're not. They're all wrapped up in Ashley and her perfect face.

"That kid wants to fuck you so bad I could smell it over the bonfire," CJ says harshly, sneering.

"Funny," I say, shrugging off my corner of the blanket. "He said the same thing about you." The passenger door swings open with the force of my dirty foot, but he leans over and shuts it just as fast, keeping hold of the handle.

"No," he says. "We're not doing this again."

"Doing what again?"

"Not being friends." He sighs, releasing the door and slowly leaning off me. "I'm sorry. I was out of line."

I sigh, extremely tired from the swimming or the arguing. Maybe both. "Thank you."

"Just friends then," he says slowly, as if seeing how it feels before fully agreeing to it.

"Please," I say. "Just friends."