the spade brothers' little sister

five

♤ ♤ ♤

All I wanted was to be able to go into Larson's room and have him hug me and tell me he forgave me. I was used to Brady being mad at me and yelling at me, but usually when Larson got upset at me, he would soon come into my room, crawl into bed with me, and apologize for being mean. I had been sitting in my room for three hours and Larson still hadn't come in to see me. Jace had come and changed my bandage and brought me some of my favorite snacks. But no Larson.

Brady decided to have some friends over but after I told Jace I was sleepy, he and his friends must have left and went somewhere where they could be loud and annoying without being yelled at. I tried to nap but I couldn't fall asleep because I was just so upset. I pulled myself out of bed and decided to limp downstairs to the living room. I passed Larson's room on the way downstairs and his door was wide open and he wasn't in there.

Jace was sitting on the living room couch watching some Friends reruns, and when he saw me he patted the space on the couch next to him. "Wanna watch some Friends with me, B?" I shook my head. I just wanted to go away like Larson had told me to.

"I'm gonna go sit in the backyard. I need some sun, I think," I explained.

"You sure you're okay, baby?" Jace asked, concern on his face. "Do you need some pain meds or anything?"

"No, just sun," I replied. He nodded and I turned and walked into the kitchen and unlocked and opened the back door to the backyard. I sat on the edge of the step for a while, feeling the warmth of the sunlight and also waiting until Jace came and checked on me.

He came out after I had been outside for a little while. I knew he would. "You okay? Do you need anything?"

"I'm okay, Jace but thanks," I replied, smiling up at him. The second he went back inside the smile disappeared from my face as the words Larson had said to me a few hours before circled my mind. He wanted me to leave. To disappear. And he said it would make everyone happier if I was gone.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really was a burden. My stupid foot got cut, I broke the blender, I walked in on Larson, I ratted him and Brady out, and I made Jace so stressed all the time. Charlie was the only one I hadn't messed up things with, but I knew if I stayed at home, I would probably mess things up with him too.

I stood up from my seat and slipped on my flip flops that were always on the back step for when I wanted to play in the yard. I made my way to the gate that was latched at the far end of the yard. I was barely tall enough to be able to reach up and grab the latch, but I somehow did. Ahead of me, I saw green.

Green trees were around me every way I looked. It looked so inviting, and it could lead me somewhere far from home, which is just where I wanted to be. I started walking into the trees, still limping because of my stupid foot.

I wandered between trees and after what I would guess was an hour, I walked over a little stream. I took off a flip flop and dipped a toe in. The water was freezing but felt so refreshing, so I dipped my entire injured heel into the rushing cold water. Slipping my flip flop back on, I continued deeper into the woods.

As I was walking through dirt and grass, I stubbed my toe on a tree root that was above ground and I tripped forwards. I did my best to steady myself, trying to grab on to trees around me. As I reached out, my flip flops slid off and I stepped really hard onto a large, rough stick.

Black dots clouded my vision as pain seared in my heel. My eyes watered and my eyelids fluttered and I felt to the ground. I was in so much pain, I literally couldn't even move. Somehow, I dragged myself to a grassy patch in between two trees and I laid my head down. I couldn't bear to be awake anymore; from the emotional sadness and the physical pain, I needed to just disappear and not feel anything anymore. I drifted off into a deep sleep where I didn't feel anything.