Broken

.7.

There was silence, an unbearable silence, that fell as I tried to let the words sink in. They had been needlessly harsh to say the least. The hurt bloomed in my chest and I tried my best to ignore it. I understood duty, I understood the need to do what a person had been assigned in life but it didn't mean I shouldn't have a chance.

I had spent seven years thinking the worst of myself and by some strange twist of the cosmos I had found the one piece that I had been missing my entire life. Now it was like everything was laughing at me. I was a distraction from duty, I was once again second. I threaded my fingers together and squeezed until my knuckles turned white.

The dull, aching pain gave me room to think, gave me the ability to see things clearly. "How long will you be gone?" The tone felt empty and I inwardly winced. I didn't want to sound so hollow because I wanted to be strong. I wanted to show Rhex that I would be okay, that his rejection didn't hurt me and that I understood his need to do his job.

"Four months." At his words I winced slightly. Four months was a long time. The thought of being away from him was crushing but for some reason I knew four months would be excruciating. We were bound tightly and I was scared of how it would affect me when he was gone. Even my parents had never been separated long, I doubted any bound couples had. It wasn't done.

"Where will I be staying once you are gone?" I felt one of my joints pull painfully and I loosened my grip slightly, not wanting to cause further damage.

"Here, most likely." It was such a civil and polite tone. It was if we were discussing politics or the weather, making small comments about the decorations. It made my stomach churn slightly. I wanted him to express some emotion over the situation.

"What will I be doing?" I bit the inside of my lip, worrying the flesh with my teeth but not actually biting down. It would be a long four months if I was to stay locked up without anything to do.

"I have to speak to the Council." His words, for some strange reason, made me angry. He referred to everything he did not know or did not wish to discuss to the Council. I already disliked the Council for their rules and regulations and I was terrified of them for what they would do if they ever found out about what I was. Now my soulmate was emotionlessly parroting everything they said as if he was pre-programmed. Great.

"Of course." I gathered up enough courage to actually look at him. "How long will it take, after you are gone, before they try to kill me?" A muscle in his jaw ticked, as if he had clenched his teeth together but his face remained expressionless.

"They won't. Our binding will provide adequate protection for you." It was that same polite tone that made me want to rip my hair out. I felt a mask slip over my face, the same one that had always fallen when my mum had discussed pairing options with me. It was like a withdrawal from a situation I no longer wanted to be in.

"Are you sure?" I knew it was a combative question but at the same time I was scared. If he left and I was left on the ship alone they could do anything to me and he wouldn't know for weeks. I could be dead and gone before his first report back because he would not be able to return in time to stop them. A thick silence fell and I dropped my gaze back to my hands. I started to pick at my nails, trying to ignore the fact he was staring at me.

"You should get some more sleep." His words pushed into my head but I pushed them out again just as quickly. I hated how I was feeling, this sad almost scared feeling made me feel weak. I hadn't even felt like that on my way to being recycled. I had been scared, yes but I had been firm in convincing myself that it was partially my decision. I was broken and broken things needed to be recycled. The feeling I had now was just wrong, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to feel it again. "Liv, get to the bedroom." There was annoyance in his voice and I shook my head, pulling myself out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, I forgot where I was for a second." I stood up, looking up at Rhex at the same time. I gave him a half-hearted smile. "Probably just tired." It wasn't a lie. I felt tired-no exhausted. It would be difficult to be bonded to someone who seemed to unknowingly jerk your emotions back and forth rapidly but I knew I would have to deal with it.

He lifted his hand slightly before letting it drop back to his side. I watched as he stiffened before pulling his hands behind his back. "Get some sleep." There was a slight bark in his tone that made me bristle slightly but I was too tired to really care. I moved passed him and down the hallway.

Everything was so confusing, I didn't know where my emotions were half the time and I had no clue what to expect with a bonding. Everyone I had talked to about it said it was easy, that everything fell into place but then again they weren't bonded to an Orrian. The very idea of it wasn't easy let alone trying it out in real life.

The bedroom was quiet and I pulled the translator from my ear, placing it on the bedside table as I flipped back the rumpled covers. I sat on the edge of the bed rubbing my forehead, trying to understand what was going on. I gave up, I knew I would have to figure everything out but at that moment I was too tired to think straight without wanting to cry.