Ash

Happy pride month everyone!!! 

I should have stopped the game a long time ago. I had a cute, handsome, caring, funny, loving boy right next to me the whole time. But I thought he saw me as just a friend. So I tried to forget my feelings for him. 
          
          No one has ever made me feel as safe and loved as he has. 
          
          I'm thankful he was my first kiss
          
          I'm thankful to call him mine now

I HAD MY FIRST KISSSS
          
          fuck the game it was not worth anything I should have left it a long time ago because the boy right in front of me treats me better and makes me feel safer than anyone else ever had.
          
          I thank my best friend and the pocky game 

PSA!!!:
          
          never NEVER agree to an open relationship/situationship/ anything that isn't serious. Even if you yourself aren't looking for something serious, don't get yourself into something casual, it will only hurt you. 
          
          The guy that I was in a situationship with is always throwing mixed signals and this has been going on for a while. I realized that I stopped liking him a long time ago and really the thing keeping me with him was the fact that he was giving me the physical affection that I had only ever dreamed of. We never really had an emotional bond. I enjoyed the game he played so much that I pushed aside feelings that I have for one of my friends; someone who I do have a deep emotional bond with, all because there was something in me that wanted to keep playing the game and hoped it would lead to something real. 
          
          I think I've finally got it in my head that the situationship is going nowhere and that it's not doing anything for me or anyone. And I think it took my friends reciprocation of affection in order to resurface those feelings and differentiate what's fake and what's real. 
          
          This past week I've been trying to distance myself from my situationship (the game) and in turn I've been getting really close to my friend again like we used to be. And for the first time since I started playing the game, I've been happy and comfortable with someone. 
          
          I even spent all weekend texting with my friend.  And while I was third wheeling on my bsfs date he texted me out of nowhere just to say he missed me..... 
          
          Got me thinking about how much I've missed him since I started playing the game. 
          
          
          So the game ends Monday 

I was a centimeter away from kissing him the the band room .....
          
          
          Until the teacher walked in.....

Omg my best friend got me a baby bunny for my birthday I named him Lucifer omggggg

Yooo I'm 15 nooowww :)

On a scale of 1-10 how cute is it when a guy lays his head on the desk then picks up you hand and puts it on his head then falls asleep while you play with his hair. 
          
          Sjsjsjdjdjsjdsksjaksmdn
          
          He was sitting behind me today while I was playing a game with my friends and they said it was my turn but I told them i was kinda busy (bc I had my hand in the guys hair and he was being super cute) 
          
          Then a few minutes later the lifted his head and I asked if he fell asleep and he nodded with the cutest smile on his face then he leaned over the desk, gave me a hug and kissed my cheek. 
          
          That's going on the reverse icks list kwjsjdjsj

Welp. 
          
          I'm now in an open relationship with him....
          
          I don't mind tho, it's fun. Like really for me I'm thinking of it as a way to see what I want and like in a relationship and what I don't so that when someone I really really like comes along I'm not that awkward and I know what traits to stay away from.
          
          Like my guy is super chill. He asked about boundaries and he's been super respectful, funny and all that stuff but yeah I'm not expecting anything serious out of this relationship it's more like practice for a serious thing 

When he likes all your insta stories>>>> 
          When he's a great cook but you only know how to make stuff that comes in a box>>>
          When he's clingy>>>>>
          When he sings >>>>>
          When he writes poetry >>>>>
          When he rides a motorcycle >>>>
          When he knows how to drive>>>>
          When he loves making people laugh>>>>
          Him>>>