NOT even once had you signed up having family issues like you do now and accepting to bear the pain and consequences as if it was an invitation to Oxford University.
The emotions you always felt after arguing with your parents, especially your father, left every bit of your happiness and peace in ashes, all burnt away, anxiety and pain taking over almost every area of your mind. All you could do is just let them take their anger on you, as you just sat there, listening to their degrading words, their critiques, their lack of satisfaction.
Nothing seemed to appeal them about you.
You were just... never enough apparently. Back then you used to talk back which would make matters worse but in most of the arguements, you were in the right, and your father wasn't having it. Now you just remain silent, and don't utter a word if you ever opened your mouth to be cut off again. You turned from a speaker to a listener.
When you finally realised that if you wanted to improve your mental condition and take care of yourself, you start giving up arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.
It's different now. Their words don't affect you any longer, rather they prepare your next anxiety attack. It's their loud voices that ring in your head and you want to disappear. You start losing patience slowly.
That's were Dazai steps in.
He's always been a pillar for you when he figured out what was going on in your house and mind and started taking you on late night rides by car, for you to calm down. Your past methods were usually isolating yourself from everyone and crying into your pillow but thanks to him, getting some fresh air and a sight of the stars was a very much needed process to relax and calm down your anxiety.
Right now, your dad had yelled at you again and Dazai snatched your phone from your hand and brought it to his ear.
"Hey... (L/n)-sama? Sir... please would you calm the fuck down? No! Ugh-" his fingers found the bridge of his nose and he shut his eyes tightly before he continued clearing your father for now.
In the meanwhile, you sat on the sofa with your hand on your fast beating chest and uneven breaths, hands shaking. Your typical anxiety symptoms showed themselves yet again within that week and you needed to get out soon.
"Alright! Sayonara!" he hung up and cursed under his breath, running his fingers through his brown locks. He gently slammed your phone onto the table before he stared at it for a few seconds, spaced out.
You only kept watching his tall lean figure, the way his black oversized shirt was worn by his bandaged body and black loose pants almost made him seem like the walking night sky, darkness, like a walking nyctophilia. The outfit you were wearing was only an oversized dark blue button blouse and wide beige pants and some slippers since it was spring season.
