My Killer

Adversity, a resilient growth

The chain around my foot was like an anchor, feeling way too heavy and at the same time keeping me grounded, safe. Which in truth, it shouldn't, but it did.

I had feared falling without him present, without Michael to catch me. Only, the robust chain he had snared around my foot kept me safe in his stead, safe from falling, or in other words, safe from doing something utterly stupid, which would be attempting to flee from him, flee from his special brand of safety. Yeah, it was all so fucking stupid.

Fucking stupid, indeed. The lingering idea of somehow managing to run away from this whole situation festered in my mind. It was like a wound that had needed tending by gentle hands for the longest of times but lack of proper equipment to do so made the necessary into nothing but the epitome of neglect in itself due to my current set of circumstances, a never-ending predicament I just couldn't seem to untangle. But I tried, by the gods I tried, a silent struggle of inner torment.

The festering mutilations of thoughts lurking within my mind had most definitely had plenty of time to grow from this insignificant crumble and into something nearly untamable because Michael had been gone for hours upon hours and I had nothing to do but deliberate while he worked. Or at least I reckoned that he had been gone for several hours. I had no way to measure time down here, which was another thought that had ultimately led my mind astray, to measure time. It's not like time had a physical mass, yet we talk about measuring it nonetheless. Heck, if it had a physical mass I would have been drowning in it by now, and in a weird sense, I sort of was. Michael had somehow managed to drown me in time, yet again. Without him present, time simply stood still. How he managed to fuck with my inner clock to the extent which he did was beyond me, yet he did. Dread, longing, fear, lust, he played me like a violin, the cruel-loving caress of his fingers bending my time to his will, whether intended or not it still happened.

My mind went everywhere in Michael's absence, from futile thoughts on how to escape this place to simple ponders about the man himself. To ponder who he actually was, why he did what he did, what he did for work... Michael had been vague about anything that pertained to himself, about every aspect that made him into him, which in turn only made me that much more curious.

What didn't cross my mind though were thoughts without his haunting presence in them, thoughts of what was happening at home, thoughts of what I would actually do if I somehow managed to get free, and any possible future therein. In a weird sense, life didn't seem to exist outside of this place anymore, outside of our own little world. Everything had narrowed down, which was truly calming and at the same time very much disturbing. It just wasn't right.

I tried to tug on the blasted chain again.

A sense of relief filled me when the outcome didn't differ from the other twenty-six, or was that twenty-seven times I had attempted that very same feat.

Stuck, the chain around my foot was utterly stuck to the ground, stuck to the solid concrete floor of Michael's home. It would not offer me a shot of attempted escape. And in a weird way, I was so fucking thankful for that cemented fact. Because with escape came horrors. Horrors I had previously been forced to face at his harrowing hands. Horrors I just couldn't go through again. Horror, I could feel horror at the mere thought of ever gaining another chance like the one I had taken that day I ran and got caught, and yet I knew for a fact that if I were ever afforded another true chance, I would take it again. I would take that stupid chance despite fearing the outcome. I would run. Fuck any internal horrors holding me hostage. I would most definitely run.

I would run, right?

Right?

I'd leave this place in a heartbeat... never look back...