Cosmic

Chapter 11: Failure, Failure, Failure

[Ben]

Failure.

All sorts of thoughts ran rampant inside my mind, wreaking havoc and tearing up the little sanity left in my poor brain.

Failure.

There was too much going on that I couldn't even think properly. 

It was like I had been cursed by fate itself, punished for my insolence towards the heavens or some other form of divine treason. I must've done something wrong. I must've committed some sort of grave sin. There was no other reason something like this could've happened to me. 

After all...

I had survived so much hell in this one day. 

That's got to amount to something, right?

So, that left me in my current situation, standing just outside the doors of the Academy and overlooking the vast green fields on the left and right of the cobblestone path. 

Bodies were carelessly discarded onto the grassy plains, their limbs bending at awkward angles and tossed aside like squeezed oranges. The lifeless faces, mouths agape in mid-scream showcased the terror that had been created by those terrorist bastards...

It was terrible, sure, but dead bodies weren't anything new to me. You could even go as far as to say I was used to seeing them by now. Furthermore...

There wasn't a single person amongst the dead that I recognised. 

I had never tried. I had never even bothered to talk to anybody during the five years of my Gazer training. As a result of this, all of the bodies I saw seemed merely like blank mannequins and dolls. 

Worthless and pathetic. 

However, the reason why I was so distraught—why I now hated myself more than ever, was all due to one single factor.

All of it was a spitting image of my visions from earlier. 

Although the specifics of it were still unclear, there was no doubt that the events I had seen were due to my mysterious second power. 

Seeing that I knew this, it was unforgivable. 

The fact that I had seen this outcome with my own eyes, not once but twice, meant that this whole disaster wasn't inevitable. I could've stopped it. This was all because of my negligence, of my own stupidity and ignorance. 

So, that's why I had concluded on one thing:

It was all my fault.

It was all my fault.

It was all my fault...

I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid. This is because of me...it's ALL because of me. All of it is the result of my own actions.

I had time to save everyone. When I went to the Starmaker, the Academy grounds weren't like this. I KNEW. I KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME. BUT I DIDN'T BOTHER TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. IF I TOLD ANYBODY, EVEN BLOODY MIA, THIS MAY NOT HAVE HAPPENED. 

I'm the strongest one here.

I had said that. 

Strongest? Don't make me laugh. You can't even call yourself  'weak'—that would insult anybody who fits that description. No, Ben. You aren't even worthy of saying that it couldn't be helped. It COULD be helped. If only you weren't such a dumbass, you would've recognised the location and ran to check things out. You could've stopped whoever had killed all those trainees and personnel before they even made it into the facility.