Children's Book: Diligence

Author notes

This is the first rough draft of a child's book I and my family are working on. 

Some of the lines still need some work but I am mostly happy with how well it is turning out. Though if you see something that does not work or plot you don't understand and may need to be flushed out please post your critiques.

(Rawl book)

12/23/20 Started writing 7/28/21 Roughly finished 9/20/21

For 7-10 years old

The Proverbs Series

Page 1 &2 -

Once upon a time, a young man named Zach lived in a dilapidated castle. It's floors were covered in grime and it's walls were crumbling into gravel.

His shaggy bed sat where the throne used to be, and thanks to the holes in the roof, his rugs were always soggy.

Everything he had was falling apart, and his land lay in disarray, all because Zach was lazy at heart and squandered away his days.

He survived off the gold from the good days of old, and ate the food from his larder which was getting a tad bit harder.

The townspeople despised him and the spiders chittering in the corners angrily eyed him.

For years Zach had lived this way as the days passed by in an endless haze.

Description - The dusty book underneath the bed or in the room. You can see the sun peeking through the hole in the ceiling in the late afternoon and he is asleep. There is a crumbling fireplace and maybe a bird peeking through a hole in the wall. There are spiders in the corner: a family of mice in one of his open drawers: a platter of moldy food by his bed: a big window through which you can see his overgrown garden and crumbling structures: vines growing through the window: a piece or tow of firewood next to the fireplace: a grimy family crest on the mantle.

Page 3 & 4 -

One late afternoon, while looking for something to do, Zach found an ancient book and decided to take a look.

Opening its dusty pages, he read of heroes and villains of old, and came to love the stories of those who were bold. For lions and giants did fall at their feet, while the wicked did stumble and sink in defeat.

Day after day, Zack read the words written within, and as time passed, his heart began to burn in him.

Swearing he'd be selfish and lazy no more, Zach fell to his knees on the soot-covered floor.

"Lord, help me be," he prayed most fervently, "like the heroes of old who rose in victory."

"Help me to regain that which was lost, no matter the trial, no matter the cost."

And so rising to his feet, Zach chose to live no more in defeat.

But alas, the young man was at a loss. For the king had taken everything, because his family had been lazy and cross.

All he had left was his broken castle with a small parcel of land, and a tiny satchel of gold that fit in his hand.

He wasn't strong or overly smart. Nor did anyone like him or care he'd fallen apart.

Then again, the one Zach admired most had started at quite the low post. Once a shepherd boy with only a sling, he'd conquered his giants and rose to be king.

So Zack closed the book and made up his mind. He would start with what he had and leave his failures behind.

Description - He's holding a large, dusty, very fancy book. It's open to a picture of David and Goliath.