My Heart's in Alabama

37 - Matt

Gently, I'm shaken awake. My eyes blink open. My vision is blurry, but I know right away it's my dad. He sits down on the bed next to me and pulls out a bag of ice.

"Thought you could use some."

"Thanks."

"Do you want some pain killers?"

"Nah," I say as I readjust the ice bag. "This is good."

My dad nods his head. I know my dad well enough to know he wants to talk, but unless he's willing to do the talking, I'm not really in the mood.

"How are you holding up?"

I shrug, "okay."

"Yeah?" He says but he doesn't believe me.

I just nod. My dad waits for me to give him something, anything, but I refuse.

"Okay, you don't want to talk. That's fair. More than fair, actually. I've been, uh, I've been thinking and, uh, you're right. I shouldn't keep things from you. You're old enough now that you don't need to be protected. Not fully anyway. I guess I've been in denial and avoiding it, because...because it's hard for me. I know you're struggling. You're not the same kid you used to be. You're unhappy, you're getting yourself in fights, sneaking out late at night, your grades are suffering. You're in rough shape, Matty. I tried so hard to help you, but I kept coming up empty. I realized in order to help you, I needed someone to help me. But I didn't have anyone. I was so lost. I had nowhere to turn. Then, out of nowhere, I get this email. It's like she knew. A sixth sense or something. We started talking, I told her what was going on, and she begged me to let her help. She...offered me something. A solution. I'm not gonna lie to you, it's going to sound absolutely batshit insane, but I think...I think it might be good for you. Or at the very least, give you another option. If you're willing to consider it, that is."

She. The person on the other side of the line was a she. As far as I know, my dad hadn't had that kind of personal relationship with a woman in years. Not since...

"Mom. You've been talking to Mom."

"Yeah, that's right."

It's a gut punch that knocks the wind out of me. He's been talking to Mom. And he's been talking to her about me. Like she knows anything about being a good parent. What advice could she possibly give him? What kind of 'solution' did she come up with? Dump me at the orphanage and let someone else deal with me? He's too much of a problem. Abandon him like I did. You'll be so much happier.

"What the hell does she want?"

There's a heavy, loaded pause. Something tells me him reconnecting with my mom is only the tip of the iceberg. There's more beneath the surface and he's afraid to tell me what it is.

"She wants you to come live with her."

My stomach ties in knots. I swallow hard. I'm at a complete loss for words. This cannot be real. I have to be dreaming. Four years ago, my mom walked out on us like we were nothing. For four years she pretended we didn't exist. No texts, no calls, no birthday cards, not a single word. Now, after completely erasing me from her life, she wants me to live with her? My dad's right. This is absolutely batshit insane.

"What?"

"I know how bad it sounds. Believe me, when she suggested it, I nearly threw my phone across the room, but after talking it through and hearing what she had to say, it seems like it could be a really good opportunity."

"Yeah," I scoff. "A good opportunity for her to tear our lives to pieces again."

"Not this time. This time it'll be different," my dad swears. "It's killing her, what she did. She hates that she's not a part of your life. She loves you so much, Matty. She just wants a chance. She'll make it right. I know she will. She won't let you down again."