Unspoken Symphony Saiouma (Mute Kokichi x Shuichi)

Chapter 5: i think i love him

{12 am the next day}
TW: mentions of abuse

Yesterday was a perfect dream come true. So why now, why now is it all ruined by my stupidity. Why did that dream have to stop? I was sobbing on my front porch. I don't want to be any more of a burden to Saihara than I already am. I sob more, what did you do to me Saihara, some people who I held dear to my heart left. I didn't feel a thing  and yet I'm scared that you'll leave and this is the most pain I've ever felt. I heard someone's voice, it said,

"Hey...Ouma-Kun," I peek my head up sniffling. It was Saihara. He gives me a weary smile. "I knew you looked furmiliar..." I messaged him, ^you too^ he looks at me and sits himself down next to my shaking body.

"Is everything okay? If you need anything I'm always here," he holds my hand slightly. I pull away from it, that hurt like putting your hand on a cactus. I texted him ^im fine^

"No you aren't...you can't lie to me about that," I sighed while typing ^im fine ok?!^  I don't want to be rude to him. If I was, however, he'd just leave, why don't I not want that? Why do I want him to stay and hug me and...no, no I can't...

"What's wrong Ouma-Kun? You're never normally like this," he spoke with worry. I'm not sure why but I started to break down because of those words... Wait, is it—is it is raining? I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, Saihara told me.

"Do you want us to go to my house? We can talk about what's bothering you," I nodded my head. I'm still crying, why am I crying? Maybe it's just, is Saihara giving me feelings..? No that's dumb, right? I didn't even realize we were at his house, nor the fact that he was carrying me. He opened the door and closed it shortly after entering.

"Do you want me to put you down?" He asked, I was too dizzy from all these emotions to answer.

"I'll take that as a no," he carried me up into his room, it smelled like coffee, like his comfortable clothes. He puts me down on the bed sitting next to me. Tears still streaming down my face.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Do I tell him, I'm feeling so dumb right now, why am I sad. ^Why do you care?^ I messaged trying to push him away from me and my feelings, but he kept coming closer.

"Because you're my friend, and I want to be here for you if you need me. Is it something going on at home or..." he trailed off. How did he know? How...? ^...yeah it is something at home^ I messaged. He hugged me and said,

"Hey, I'm sorry for pushing you, If you don't want to tell me that's fine. But I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong," he pulled away from the hug. I sighed messaging to him, ^ok, ok, so um, |\/|4r14, my mother... she... she said that she wanted me to talk like a normal human being and then wouldn't read anything I wrote down. She then told me I can't come into the house until I talk. I want to be normal Saihara, why can't I just be normal. On top of that she never loved me no matter how much I try...^ I normally don't open up like this and I'm scared of being a burden to Shuichi. He hugged me tightly. I cowered, quaked and sobbed into his arms. He coddled, cooed and comforted.

"Well, your mother is wrong. You are normal Ouma, you don't need to speak. Your mother is to blind to see how loving, amazing and great you are. Is there anything I can do?" He asked and I shook my head. I wanted to tell him more, but I just...

"Ouma-Kun, is everything ok? Is there something you're not telling me?" He had this overprotective like glare but it wasn't the type that was mad it was the type that was worried. I shifted my shaking eyes from him to the mattress. I twiddled my fingers.

"Please Ouma, tell me what's wrong so I can help," I don't know if it was his worried tone or his comforting touch but something made me trust him to come undone. Like I wanted him to know everything about me. ^well, my father is the other half of the equation. He is the reason I'm uncomfortable with food and he got me scared for...reasons I don't want to elaborate on. I was forced to hide in a cabinet and, and...^ that's all I could send before shaking and sobbing again just at the thought of what he'd used to do or what he's done to me. Shuichi was quick to hug me tightly. I had my head inside his chest crying. It felt nice to feel something. Even if it was painful. It was even better to have someone I love comfort me.

"Ouma, I'm so sorry. Your father is a monster for doing those things to you. As long as I'm here I'll try my best to make sure no one hurts you," there right there in that moment in those words was when that spark turned into fire. At that moment I knew I was in love with Shuichi Saihara.