Twilight Moon - Poly Story

chapter 29 - window

Everlyn pov

After we talked some more Leah took me home. I'm not sure how I feel about all this, I like the Cullens and I've been having a little crush on all of them but I never actually imagined something will come out of it. I feel inadequate and kind of dumb now that none of them are here, that it's just me alone lying in my bed.

I'm scared.

I'm not scared of them. I've known Leah my entire life and I know the Cullens would never hurt me, I'm not scared that they're not human, I'm scared of what they mean to me, I know I love Leah, I know that if she left me tomorrow it will break my heart, it will break me. and with time I can see myself feeling the same way for the Cullens and it's terrifying.

I was lost in my thoughts of anxiety and abandonment issues when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." I said, knowing it was my dad.

"Hey kiddo, you okay? you look kind of distracted when you came back. you and Leah made up?" Dad asked as he came in.

"Yeah, we are fine." I said before hesitantly asking, "can I ask you something kind of personal dad?"

"Oh... yeah sure, you can ask me anything. but just know that as the parent I always preserve the right not to answer." He said.

"Why did you never start another relationship after Mom?" I asked, after a beat of silence.

"Well I was always busy... and it's not like Forks is a town full of new people... I've already known everyone and by the time I was ready to move on everyone around my age were already paired off and an opportunity never showed herself... but I was happy, with my work, my friends, with you here every summer, I was lonely sometimes but you know... I got by. why do you ask?" He finished his explanation with a question raising his eyebrows at me.

"You know I love Leah," I said, trying to figure out what I want to tell him.

"Oh yeah. again you have a perfectly good room, just saying." He said.

"NO DAD! it's not that kind of conversation." I said.

"I'm just saying.. if we ever need to have that kind of conversation....." he said rubbing his neck.

"We don't." I said in an end of discussion kind of tone, "It's kind of about Mom." I said, with a smaller voice.

Dad set on my window sit before gesturing for me to continue.

"Why do think she stopped loving me?" I asked, looking down.

"Sweetie I...." he stamped, looking sad not knowing what to say.

"I know you can't answer that, But I'm scared." I confessed.

"Why?" He asked, with a heavy breath looking helpless.

"Because we both tried to deny it over the years, we both tried to act like this was one of her phases, like she still loves me but she doesn't know how to show it or she still loves me she's just overwhelmed by Bella. but there's so many times you can reassure yourself....
it's been years since she's done any actions to indicate that she loves me and I don't believe she does anymore. and it scares me, because she's my mother, she's supposed to love me unconditionally, but she doesn't. she doesn't love me at all. if my own mother can just stop loving me. what's stopping them from doing the same?" I asked, letting a few tears escape.

"I... I don't know kiddo.... There is always a risk and in Falling in Love, you're not only giving that person the chance to make you happy you're also giving them the chance to hurt you... but I think love is at its strongest when you know this person could hurt you. when you know they can do things to shatter your heart but you trust them not to. You trust them to hold you dear like you do them... Sometimes When Love is Easy when there is no pain... it's not worth it." Dad said.

"OHHHH WISE FATHER please show me the way to a land without heart break." I exclaimed dramatically, while bowing down to him.

"Good, I was starting to get worried when you were serious for that long." dad said laughing, as he got up from his sit. "You gonna be ok kiddo?" He asked, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine dad. thank you." I said smiling at him.

"Ok... night kid." he said walking out.

"Good night dad, I love you." I yelled back.

"Yeah yeah love you too." he said before closing the door, once again leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I was lying in bed allowing my imagination to run free when there was a sound coming from the window, I got up and opened the blinds seeing Jasper standing in front of my window near the forest.

"What are you doing here?!" I whispered yelled, opening the window.

"Can I come in?" he asked, as if this was completely normal.

"Through the window?!" I whispered yelled.

"Can I?" he asked, raising his eyebrows looking amused.

"Fine.. just do it quickly." I relented, moving away from the window.

Not even a second went by before he was standing in my room in front of me.

"Hi" I said with a little wave, not knowing what else to do or say.

"I apologize for showing up unannounced." he apologized.

"No it's okay... it was actually kind of cool, it was like whoosh woosh and now you're standing right in front of me." I said, giving him a reassuring smile, gesturing for him to sit on the bed before sitting down myself.

"I wanted to talk to you." he explained.

I set down with my back against the headboard before gesturing for him to do the same so we were sitting next to each other.

"You were anxious and scared all day.. I know you said you were okay with us being vampires and all, but are you really?" He asked, looking at me.

"Right the whole feeling others feelings thing... I'm not scared of you, of any of you." I said seriously, but I could see that he didn't believe me.

"I know I didn't share as much as the rest of you did today. it's just that... I kind of felt that my story was stupid and self-centered after all of you told yours." I exclaimed.

"It's not. Will you tell it to me?" He asked, looking genuinely interesting.

So I told him everything about my home life with my mom, how she abused me physically, mentally, and financially. what she meant to me, what my sister meant to me, how little I meant to them. what art and music and nature means to me. how hard it usually is for me with new people, that I probably have more trauma than I would like to admit. and that I'm really scared about all of them leaving me.

The entire time I was talking he didn't say anything letting me get it all out. By the time I was finished with my long rant we were sitting much closer to each other and he was holding my hand, my head leaning on his shoulder. after I finished talking we just stayed like that sitting quietly for a few minutes letting all the information sink in and letting our touch comfort each other.

Relieved I got all this information off my chest I let my mind drift, slowly falling asleep on his shoulder. before Darkness consumed me I felt a small kiss on my forehead sending me off to a rare peaceful sleep.