Knockout (Gaslight spin-off)

20| Smart mouth

I exhale slowly and get into my stance. I'm nervous – I never get nervous when sparring with the others, but standing in this ring with Nico, it's as though there is no more hiding. To combat this, I raise my hands higher than usual and circle him. His gaze follows mine, bright and steady; I hold my breath.

"Jabs and the jab-cross combo only," he says.

"Ay, ay, Captain."

His mouth lifts as he gets into position. In less than a second, he sidesteps, turns, and knocks me on my helmet. I step back into my stance, surprised at how quickly he'd landed a blow, and notice his eyes are bright with arrogance. If I didn't know better, I'd think he did it to punish me. Two can play that game. I throw out a jab, but Nico rolls back his shoulder, and my fist cuts through air. I try again, over and over, but he is weightless and fast on his feet each time – a butterfly.

Frustration gets the better of me. I'm doing everything he showed me, so why can't I land a hit? My fist flies out, catching more air as Nico lands a blow to my helmet. We go on like this for another few seconds, my irritation chipping away at the last of my confidence.

This fight feels like a reality check. I'm not ready to face Katarina –nowhere near – and instead of using this as motivation to get better, it gnaws at my insides, a reminder I might never be good enough. If it weren't for the fact the gym needs saving, I wouldn't even be doing this – I shouldn't be doing this. I'm the girl with anger issues, and as Hayden loves to tell us, anger doesn't belong in the ring; that means I don't either.

"Shit," I say when I miss him again, and I rip off my helmet. Nico drops his hands immediately. Breathless, I force myself to focus on the mural of Ali. "This is pointless. I'm never going to get it." When he doesn't answer, I look over to see him watching me, his gaze judgmental. 

"Never pegged you for a quitter," he says. 

"I'm not a quitter. I just know when something is futile." 

He raises a brow but doesn't say anything, just steps forward and stares down at me in a way that makes my pulse race. "Looks a lot like quitting to me. Why'd you ask me to train you?"

"Because I wanted to fight like you." I hate having to say it; almost as though I'm admitting defeat.

That glaze of arrogance returns in his eyes. He steps forward and lowers his mouth until it's positioned near my ear. "So fight like me. Stop playing it safe and show me something."

"I am," I bite back, but it's hard to focus when I can feel the rough, warm trail of his breath. "I got the footwork and the jab right. I'm doing everything you and Coach showed me. What else am I supposed to do?"

He steps back and shrugs like I've failed to impress him. "Anyone can throw a jab with enough practice, but not everyone has that fire inside."

My defenses are up like barbed wire. It's not Nico's fault I royally suck, but he's the one in my firing line. "I have fire."

"Not enough to win," he says. "That fire comes from anger, and anger comes from pain. Think about something that hurts you and channel it."

"Bullshit," I say. "Hayden says anger doesn't belong in the ring."

The mention of Hayden bruises his ego. "That's exactly where it belongs." He steps closer until there is no more space between us, until his eyes have me lost in the storm. "When you control it. If you don't, that's when it controls you."

The air is alive with energy. I tilt my head, determined to prove him wrong. "You lose control in the ring."

"That," he says, with a tilt of his mouth, "is where you're wrong."