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Tattered Crown

Loving Nero Night isn't for the faint of heart. I learned that shit the hard way and have the battle scars on my heart to prove it.

The hardest part is that he truly wants to be better than he is, and with everyone else he is. With everyone else he is giving, open and honest. He's the first one most call when they are against the ropes. To the rest of the world Nero Night is a fun-loving good guy.

But, to me. To me Nero Night is the unattainable standard. The bruise I can't help but pushing on. He is undecided and unreliable. He's the flowers after a blow-up fight. Because one little fight always turned into a war. Where words are flung out of anger leaving unhealable marks.

He could never make a decision in regard to us, he always had one foot out the door. Always had something better waiting for him. While I stood there holding on to him with a death grip. Trying to get us back to how it used to be before we both screwed it up.

Because we both did wrong, but the difference is I tried to fix it and he took advantage of my need to still be Leana and Nero. He was given passes when my expectations should have been way higher.

All I wanted was a love that lasted, but it seemed all I wanted was to much ask. I thought maybe something was wrong with me and that is why the imaginary perfect guy would never find me. I made the mistake of putting all my romantic hopes and dreams onto Nero and feel so tragically in love with the potential he showed instead of the reality that was us.

Eventually the roller coaster of emotions and the pull of back and forth breaks something in you. Irreparably changes your outlook on life, and how you approach things It forces you to close yourself off to protect the small parts of your heart that haven't be destroyed.  Looking back, I can pinpoint when my break started. When the rose color glasses dimmed for the first time when I was no longer able to through life so young and naive.

It was six years ago on New Year's Eve, his 24th birthday.