Uthando lwabaphansi.

chapter 87

Nosipho's POV

I feel numb ,the pain I'm feeling or the pain I'm trying to inflict on myself or preparing myself is so much and honestly too much to handle I don't wish this pain upon anyone

I'm sitting on the hospital bed well the doctor has already checked up on me regarding the pan she gave me some pills though I think they aren't working because here I am still awake

It's been approximately 3 hours of waiting for the doctor to just find out or just tell me if my baby is still alive or not
I don't know what to do to myself I'm just staring at blank spaces

Over the past hours olwethu ,ma'ol and Amahle have tried speaking to me but nothing I want nothing ,I don't even want to hear them breathe in irritated and honestly I feel like I know what the doctor is going to say

Finally he enters the room ,looking so sad it's doctor mhling the bought me straight to netcare in umhlanga

Nkululeko:"doctor"

He acknowledges my husband and nods his head his eyes carry so much sympathy for me and some sadness ohhh no I already know it ,my heart is refusing to accept this but my mind is prepping me for the news

Doc:"Mrs Dlamini,I don't know how to say this to you "

Nkulu:"what is it doctor?"

Ma'ol:"is the baby okay ?"

Doc:"well you were pregnant with twins "

Me:"were ? So-"

The doctor shakes his head in loss and sadness he holds so much pity for me I touch my stomach well my bump

I am actually showing right now the stomach is visible it's growing everyda well it was

Doc:"Mrs dlamini, unfortunately you lost the your son ,but by god's grace your doctor survived "

I don't know whether to cry or be happy but how can I be happy when I just lost a son ,I will never know the feeling of holding him in my arms and actually naming him I should actually give him a name

Doc:"I'm really sorry "

Me:"I lost him,but my angel survived "

Nkosenye:"I'm sorry ma"

Me:"ngifuna ukuba ngedwa "

Baba:"nkosikazi-"

Me:"no Baba I need some space to grieve I lost a son "

Baba:"you not the only one that lost him "

Me:"he was in my womb .....he was in my womb Baba"

I cry tears flowing down my eyes how could I have been so selfush letting stress overcome me now I lost my baby boy ngyaxolisa mfana wam

Baba:"we should give him a name ?"

Me:"I want it to be simphiwe ,simphiwe yinkosi he was given to me by God but at least hold the pride of being called his mother "

Doc:"he's already a foetus so he's going to h born but uzoba still "

I nod my head ,how to I continue nurturing Psalms knowing that my simphiwe is still in there

Doc:"next time you need to give birth"

Baba:"a premature baby "

Doc:"she has to do it "

Ma'ol:"let's give them some space "

They walk out and soon Baba follows ,I let it all out I cry because of everything that has happened