Behind The Alpha Book 4 CASS

Chapter 11

(Chapter song ‘I Love You Always Forever’ by Donna Lewis, ‘Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy’ by Big & Rich)
EMBER

I walk silently.  My hands in the pockets of my leather jacket.  I stop at the door to Cass' room as he sleeps off the heart beat down he got.
Although it was stupid, I felt a tiny twinge, deep down, when he stood up for me.  I really didn’t care.  Truth be told, I check out guys all time.  I don’t belong to Cass.  It’s only the kiss talking here.  He’s just turning his feelings outward as a way to siphon off some of his damned love. 
I should be thankful, but all I feel is pity.  The poor guy has enough problems.  He’s only going through this because I fucked with him. 
I walk to his bedside and pull up a chair.  Turning it backwards, I straddle the seat and cross my arms on its back.  I lay my mouth behind my arms as I watch him sleep.  I reach out and move his bangs off his eyes.  His face is so strong yet soft at the same time.  A lot like…his. 
I hide my mouth again as I stare.  In the depths of mind, I kind wish my kiss had broken and this all was really him.  I know it didn’t.  I know this all isn’t him and because of that I won’t enable him.
“I know you what you want me to feel, I won’t.  I can’t.”  I mumble.
I take one last look, stand up and head for the door.
“Why not?”
I stop, pause for a moment and turn.  “I’m not capable.”  I say.
He rubs his face and sits up.  “No one’s incapable.  Everyone has to love someone.”  He scrubs his head and looks out the window to the dark desert mountain that surrounds the city.  “What time is it?’
“Just after midnight.”  I respond.  “Listen, Cass…”
“I’m sorry.”  He mumbles.
“What?”
“You’re right.  It was dumb to be jealous of something that’s not mine.  It won’t happen again.”
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought, but you’re right.  I’m not yours and I won’t ever be.  The sooner you realize that, the easier this will be for both of us.”  I say.
He nods.  “I guess we should find Nala before it gets too late.”  He stands and kind of takes a minute to catch his balance.
“You ok?”
“Just…a little light headed.  It’s been a long time since I slept that long.”  He lets out a little laugh.
“Yeah, well, if you don’t keep that heart in check, you’ll get worse ones.”  I cock my head with my warning.
“Worse?”  His brows shoot up as he rubs his chest.
I nod.  “Remember.  I’m a love bug.  I force you feel what you need to, not corrupt.  Your heart’s correcting the wrong in you.”
“Ok, then...”  He smiles.  “Happy thoughts, I guess.”
I look him over.  “Happy thoughts.” 
He takes some wobbly steps and I duck under his arm to steady him.  “You ready to blink?”
“Can we just walk.  I don’t think I could stomach it.”  He rubs his gut and looks down at me.
I nod as my face falls.  I meet his eyes for a moment and look away. 
I help him out of Phoenix General and out to the night life of the city.  After a few blocks, he’s got himself sorted. 
“So, you really can’t love?”  He asks.
“Nope.  I work with it so much, I just…don’t.” 
He smiles.  “You think because you work with it, you can just control who you love.”
“Yeah.  Don’t expect me to get all mushy because it’s not happening.”
He stares at me with a giant grin. 
“What?”  I glance at him several times.  “What are doing?  Stop staring at me.”
“You’re such a fucking liar.”  He laughs.
“I’m not lying.”  I stuff my hands in my pockets and cinch my brow.
“Yes you are.”  He tilts his head to me.
“No I’m not.”  I shove him a bit.
“Yes, you are.  You can love, you’re just choosing not to.”  He says as he leans to me.
“Ok.  Maybe, I am.  It’s like…you work at restaurant, right?”
“Right.”
“You don’t eat the food because you serve it all day.  That’s just how I feel.” I shrug.
“I don’t think love works that way.”  He arches a brow at me.
“Yes, it does.  If you’ve seen what I seen, you swear it off too.”  I watch the sidewalk as we travel slowly up the street.
He shakes his head.  “Trust me.  When you’ve been alone as long as I have, you see and experience a lot,  but not once has that stopped me from looking.”
I stop and face him.  “Why?  Why go so long?  Why not give up?”
He stops and crosses his arms.  “Because she’s out there somewhere.  The one that holds the other half of this.”  He points to his chest.  “She has to be.  I don’t agree that we are meant to be alone and I’ll find her.  I’ll keep looking until my death bed.” 
“Aren’t you just sick of games and obligations.  Pretending to be someone you’re not to impress people?”  I casually throw a hand to the side. 
“Oh God, you have no idea.”  He laughs.  “I changed my entire look and it did shit.  In fact, I was even more miserable.  Right up until…”
I lower my head because I know he’s talking about the kiss.
“Ember, that kiss…”
“Was a mistake.”  I raise my head and meet his blue, inviting, unbelievable eyes.  It almost pains me to say it, but it’s true.  His mates out there and my frustration took that away from him.  Once I get him unlocked from me, I plan on blowing a kiss so he can move on the way he was supposed to. 
He bites his top lip and nods.  “You…”  He glances at me.  “You’re probably right.”  He motions to the building behind us.  “We’re here.” 
I look at the front doors to a tall skyscraper.  “Good.  Let’s set this right.”  I give him a tiny smile. 
“Yep…Set it right…sure.”  His tone drifts off as he pushes past me to the door.
He sounds disappointed, but my hands are tied.  He can’t be bound to me like this.  I may not feel love, but there can be kindness and respect for him.  Once I get over myself that is.

****

CASS

“NALA!  IT’S CASS!”  I shout as I bang on her penthouse door across from Zanders. 
I turn to Ember who’s leaning on the wall.  I look at the door, ball my fist and bang again.  “NALA!” 
The door flies open to an angry face, but it’s not Nala’s.
Standing in the doorway is a sweaty, panting cowboy in a towel.  His face tells me he’s not impressed with being disturbed right now.
He glares at me and runs a hand through his sweaty hair.  “What do you want?!  I’m kinda in the middle of somethin’ here!”  He motions angrily into the apartment.
“Jess?  What’s going on?”
I peek behind Jesse and see Curtis on the stairs in track pants. 
Jesse turns back to him.  “Uh…Nothin’ Bronco.  I’ll be up in a minute.  You just go back and keep yerself warm.”  He smirks.
“Cass?”  Curtis looks at me curiously.
“Hey…Curt…I’m sorry…”  I’m flushed with embarrassment as I realize what’s going on. 
Jesse turns back to me.  “This better be damn good because if not, my six iron is going straight up yer ass.”  He growls and leans to me.
I lean back and swallow.  “Yes, sir.”  I give him a salute.  I’m not above an 800 year old, sexually frustrated, shape-shifting outlaw. 
“Jesse.  I’m sorry.  I wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t important.  We need your help.”  I step to him.
“We?”
“Hey, Jess.”  Ember pushes off the wall and stands beside me.
Jesse’s eyes widen, his mouth falls and his finger shoots up to her.  “Ah, hells no!” 
“What?”
“No!  You git!  I don’t need you!”  He starts to shut the door and Ember stops it. 
“Jess!  I need your help!”  She says as she follows him into the penthouse.
“Wait.  You know him?”  I ask as I walk in too.
“We had a run in about 400 years back.”  Jesse clenches.  “A run in I’m not repeatin’!”  He turns and throws a finger at him. 
Ember kicks a leg out and crosses her arms.  “Come on, Jesse.  You can’t be still mad.” 
He stomps up to her, clenching the towel around his waist.  “You left me for dead!”
“You weren’t going to die, Jesse.  I knew you’d get out of it.”  She smirks.
“What did you do?”  I turn to her. 
Jesse gets up in her face.  “This little…nymph…tricked me into sleeping with Ferdinand’s wife.”
“I didn’t make you do anything.  You did it yourself.”  Ember snarls back.
“You charmed her and lead her to me…for fucking fun!  You failed to tell me who she really was.  Playin’ she’s my match.  I spent 3 weeks being tortured by the Hungarian guard…BECAUSE OF YOU!”  He yells. 
“I didn’t lie!  I thought she really was your match.  I was new ok!”  Ember yells back. 
I get Embers attention.  “You messed up a match?” 
Ember shakes her head.  “I didn’t have full control of my kiss and messed up the reading.  Jesse was there so I assumed…”
“You assumed!  The cost was my ass!”  Jesse throws his hand up.
I put my arm between them.  “Ok.  Why don’t we just leave the past in the past.” 
Jesse shakes his head.  “No.  Between you and Puck.  No.  I ain’t getting involved.”  He turns to walk away.
Ember scratches her hair.  “Funny you should mention Puck.” 
Jesse stops and Ember puts her hands in her back pockets.
Jesse’s head rolls back as he looks at the ceiling.  “Why?”
“We need your help to find him.”  Ember informs. 
His head drops and he sighs.  “Why?”
Ember ticks her head.  “I kind of…messed up a match.”  Jesse turns to her, his head still lowered.  He arches a brow and looks at me.  I give a half smile and tick my head.
He straightens up and motions his finger between us.  “You two.”
I twist my lips and nod. 
He glares at Ember.  “You charmed yerself.”
“Completely by accident.  This is why I need my brother.  He’s the only who can make the arrow I need.”  Ember holds her hand out as she pleads.
Jesse rubs his forehead and shakes his head.  “Damn it, girl.  You stupid or what?  You learn nothing from Eros?!  You don’t involve yerself!” 
“I know, ok.  Val’s already given me the once over.”  Ember steps to him.
Jesse chuckles.  “Oh yeah.  Valentino must be having a ball with this one.” 
“Not exactly.  Look.  If I don’t fix this, my wings are clipped.  Jess, please.  As a friend, I begging you.  Help me find my brother.”  Ember stares at him.  She looks so cute being vulnerable like this. 
He places his hands on his hips, presses his lips together and sighs.  “Ya, ok.  I need to pay back the asshole for spilling to my daddy anyway.”  He looks at us both.  “Just let me git my guns.” 
Ember smiles.  “Thank you.  I owe you one.” 
He walks to the stairs.  “By my count, you owe me four.”  He holds up four fingers.
“Toledo doesn’t count, Jesse!”  She calls up.
“Yes, it does, Ember!”  He yells down. 
My brows raise and slowly face her.  “You’re telling me everything later right?” 
“Oh yeah.  Sure.  We…just have a history.”  She gives a quick smile.
“Clearly.”  I look at the stairs.