My rape story

The Incident

It was January of 2013. I was 14 and in 9th grade. I was participating in youth and government through the YMCA. I was at state in Austin competing in the court rooms there. We were staying in the renaissance hotel.

I was at one of the afternoon/night parties. I don't really like to dance that much and I'm not really out there enough to especially dance in front of complete strangers. My hotel room was on the top floor. Floor 9. I was tired from the days events and I didn't want to dance around and play games so I decided to go up to my hotel room.

There were 1100 or more kids there at state and I only knew a select few. With that many kids they needed security. There were security guys from anywhere between 18 to however old you can imagine.

So as I was on my way up to my room. I was tired and I wanted to just get in my nice bed only to wake up early the next morning. My room was in one of the corners of the hotel so it was kind of secluded, blocked by a wall.

I finally made it back up to my room and used my key card and went in. By this point I was alone and my room was empty because all of my friends were at the party downstairs.

The doors on the hotel rooms don't close very fast. They start fast then close slower so they don't slam.

I went into my room and started getting ready to get into bed. I didn't realize it until he cleared his throat that there was a security guy inside of my room. He was in his early 20s maybe. He was tall and muscular.

He had been following me and caught the door just before it closed and snuck his way in without me noticing.

As soon as I saw him, I gasped and backed up as a reflex. He kept getting closer and I kept backing up until I was backed into a corner with nowhere to go. He got closer until he was pressed up against me with my back on the wall.

He put his hand on my mouth and I looked into his eyes. He showed no regret. In fact it looked like he was having such a good time hurting me.

I was frantic by this point and I didn't know what to do. He was touching me and groping me. I thought to myself 'what gets a guy off of you?' I quickly thought of a way and kneed him in the crotch. I ran as fast as I could towards the door just to get away. I didn't make it very far before he grabbed my ankle and pulled me to the ground.

He then picked me up and pushed me back against the wall and said something I will never forget. He said, "Now there baby girl, you see I wish you hadn't done that. Now it will be harder to make you feel good." By this time I was regretting doing that, thinking if I had just let him do whatever it wouldn't have been so bad.

He started to touch all over me again. He put his hands up under my shirt. And started to take my clothes off. I was screaming for dear life but it wasn't getting very far because he had his hand cupped on my mouth. I was crying and he was getting angry because if it.

He slapped me and told me to shut up or I would get it even worse. He proceeded to shove me onto the bed next to the wall. By this point I no longer had on my outer layer of clothes.

He started taking his clothes off and keeping me still by straddling my stomach. I took the opportunity of screaming because he no longer had his hand on my mouth. He slapped me as hard as I have ever been slapped in my entire life (it was more like a punch) and told me that I had better shut my mouth. That shut me up.

Once he was unclothed, he finished un clothing me. He proceeded to rape me in that time frame. (I'm not giving details)

Once he was done, he got off of me. I laid there still, not knowing what was going to come next. I was still crying and I had several handprints and bruises on my face and I had a hickey on my neck and bruises on my stomach and back. He left and as he was leaving he said, "You were good baby girl. But remember this, if you tell anyone I will hurt them and you." And then he told me his name was Jake and I could find him there every year after that.

I was bleeding everywhere. I called down to the lobby of the hotel and had them come up to change the sheets. They asked why I needed them to change the sheets and I said I got my period.

I couldn't really move much because I was in pain and shock but I somehow managed to move over to the chair in the corner so they could change the bedding.

Once the sheets were changed my mind was totally blank and I didn't know what to think.

Was it my fault? My roommates fault for not coming up sooner? His fault?

I didn't know. I was the innocent girl in the back who knew nothing at all about sex except that I shouldn't until I was older. Yet all at once I knew more about sex than all of the people in the 9th grade combined.

I was exhausted and I couldn't think straight so I went to take a long shower and refresh and clean myself.

The whole time since the rape itself and after the lady left from changing the bedding, I was crying really hard. My face was really red and I needed to stop crying before my roommates came up.

I didn't want them to know about the incident because they would worry for themselves and for me. I was scarred, also, that if I told anyone he would come back and hurt them, and knowing how much he could do, I didn't want to put them in that kind of danger.

When I got out of the shower my roommates were there. I was walking funny and not talking at all and I went straight to my bed. My friends were asking me all of these questions like "Are you ok? What's wrong?" I didn't answer any of the questions and just went to sleep.

The next morning I put up the best mask I could and moved on with life. I have yet to get over it and I will carry it with me for the rest of my life.

The worst part about this whole thing is that every year when I go back to youth and government state in Austin he is there. He will seek me out and find me. If it's in front of my friends he will act like a friendly stranger and ask how their stay was. If I'm alone he will call me baby girl and say how much fun he would have if he could get me back up there again.

To this day I am scared of muscular guys or any guy that is even the slightest bit bigger than I am. I can't go anywhere without looking behind me to make sure no one is following me. My new biggest fear is being followed and not knowing it until it's to late.

That's my story.

Be careful and most importantly be safe.