His Darling Assistant

Part 7: No More Fear

You were having trouble reviewing the patient file before you. The words blurred into each other and you found yourself reading the same sentence five times before truly comprehending it. Your mind was elsewhere, thinking about where you would go with Dr. Crane after the day was over. You had planned to go back to the bookstore and pick out books for each other again, and you had the perfect title in mind. You were imagining what Jonathan would say about the twist at the end, eyes skimming over the file without understanding, when he slipped into your office, closing the door behind him.

"Doctor," he addressed you, and you could tell he was excited about something.

"Doctor," you replied, smiling at the sight of him, "what's got you so happy?"

"Besides you," he started, and you felt your face heat up, "I finished what I was working on."

You were confused at this remark, as he'd finished altering his hallucinogen months ago, and the two of you had celebrated with his favorite movie, wine, and popcorn, reminiscent of the first time you had kissed.

"Finished? I thought the toxin was already finalized."

"After that, I started something new. I didn't want to tell you, because I was afraid it was impossible, but I think I've done it, I just haven't done human testing yet."

"Wow, Jon! What is it?" You shot him a smile.

"I've created a sort of fear vaccine."

"A fear vaccine," you repeated, confused.

"It started as an antidote to my hallucinogen, but I believe it could cure the subject of all phobias." He leaned over your desk and held your face in his hands, brushing a stray hair away from your eyes. "Darling, I want you to be the first to try it."

You gaped at him, processing what this could mean. The nightmares, the haunting memories, the pangs of fear you felt every time you passed another man on the street, all completely gone. You would be freed. It unnerved you.

"Do you remember what you said to me on your first day here? Why you were so interested in fear?"

You remembered, indeed. I suppose I've let it control me, you had told him, I'd like to be freed, if possible. You didn't think that would spark some endeavor on Dr. Crane's part to actually erase fear from your mind.

"I want to help you. Please, let me help you."

"What if it doesn't work?" You hated how small your voice sounded.

"I know it will," he assured you and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, but your smile faded still.

"I didn't mean I wanted to stop fearing anything, Jon. What if I'm in danger? How will I know if I'm safe if I can't-"

"I'll protect you. I always protect you. You won't ever need to fear again. You'll be freed, like you always wanted."

"I didn't mean this," you told him, and his face fell. He pulled away. "I meant something more like therapy, Jon. Not some miracle drug that hasn't even been tested! Why can't you test it on the criminal patients? You use them for everything else-"

"It's an antidote to fear, Darling," he told you, frustrated. "It would erase all of the work I've done with them. I need them to be susceptible to the toxin."

"But there's so many of them, surely you can spare one? I've heard the screams coming from the room with the square window, that man's been there for ages. He's had enough fear, don't you think?"

For some reason the mention of that room changed something in Dr. Crane's mind.

"Fine," he told you, taking a deep breath and forcing a smile, "You don't have to be the first. Just know I made it for you."

You could tell he was bothered by your refusal, so you stood and took one of his hands in yours, tracing soothing circles on the back of it.

"I know Jon. I'm grateful, truly. I'm just not ready, I think."

The sentiment seemed to console him, but you didn't know what to do. The idea of an entire feeling being erased from your mind bothered you, and you wondered if the drug would erase other feelings as well, leaving you a cold-blooded husk. You weren't going to ever take that drug if you could help it. You just hoped you could put it off until Dr. Crane stopped asking.