The Cold Wind (Jake Kiszka)

Admitting

I refused to wake up as much as Sam, Danny, and Josh wanted me to. Sam was no longer at my side, Danny replaced Sam's position.

    "Come on." Danny said poking my arm like I was doing to him the other day. "No, I'm not going to school." I whined. "He already said he's not going today." Josh interjected. "I don't care." I said.

    Josh, Danny, and Sam had left the room. A moment later I heard the door open. "Go ahead." I heard Josh say. The bed dipped down, it felt like Josh had sat down. The door closed once again.

    "Esmay." Jake said quietly. I unburied my head from Sam's pillow and sat up. "No." I started saying as I got up. "Esmay, I'm sorry." He started saying. "No." I shouted as I walked to the corner of Sam's room.

    "No." I said running my hands through my hair. "I'm sorry." Jake said softly. "No, you don't get to say you're sorry. Do you realize what you've done? Do you see how uncomfortable I am around you now?" I asked looking into his eyes. "You grew up with me. You know how sensitive I am, and you still said that. Do you know what I've lost? A part of my soul, my confidence. The only part of happiness I have left is them." I pointed towards the wall, as if they were out there.

    Tears started streaming down my face. "You ruined me. You and you're stupid, messed up head can leave." I said walking closer to him. "Go. Leave. Like you've always told me to do. Just go." I said walking closer causing him to stand up. "You ruined me, you called me a slut even though I'm a virgin. You hurt me. I haven't slit my rest but you know what after this, that might just be my task." I poked him in his chest as he look down on me with sad eyes.

    "Think real hard about what you've done, you seen how messed up I was Westly broke up with me. That's how I feel." I said poking his chest harder. "I feel like that all over again because when he broke up with me, he called me a slut, just for spending the night here at the boys house because I didn't want to go home." I shoved him but he barley moved. "Well, I'm sorry that my fucking father is an alcoholic and this feels the only home I have. You hurt me, why don't you see that."

    He quickly brought me into his embrace. "No." I started to say. "Shh." He said holding me tighter. "No." I said quietly. My knees felt absolutely weak. I sobbed into his chest as he held me tight. "I'm so sorry Esmay." He said into my hair.

    After a few minutes of crying into his chest and him trying to calm me down he walked me over to Sam's bed. "Can I ask you a question?" He asked quietly. I rolled my eyes and nodded. "How can I make this up to you?" He asked not looking into my eyes. "Understand me." I simply said.

    "Understand you how? Like where you live? What your dad is like? How I messed up?" He started to ramble. "Yes, look at it from my point of view." I said as he gently grabbing my hand causing me to flinch but he still held on. "I can try to do that." He muttered.

    He finally looked at me in the eyes. There was tears in his eyes, I could tell. "Jake-" I started to say as a tear slipped down his cheek by. He quickly wiped it away. He looked away, breaking our eye contact. "No, look at me, please." I asked quietly. He turned back to look at me, I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

    Another tear escaped from his eye, I quickly wiped it away before he could. It always broke me to see a guy cry. "Come her." I said motioning for him to move closer, which he did. I let go of his hand as he laid his head on my shoulder. He was being so soft now, he was being nice.

    I put my hand on his head as he cried into my shoulder, clearly he was going through something to. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked taking a piece of his hair and twirling it with my fingers.

    "Jita and I broke up, she said that my attitude was getting worse and that I needed to find peace." He admitted. "She also told all of her friends that I had cheated on her, but I didn't." "Mom and Dad are mad at me for quitting my job and they always take your side but I get that now." He said continuing.

    "I'm sorry about that Jake." I said moving my hand from his hair to his back. "I'm not usually like this." He said lifting his head from my shoulder. "I'm usually-" He paused trying to find a word. "Stone Cold Crazy." I said laughing, it was a song reference. "I was going to say a print but I like the Queen song better." He said smiling at the ground.

    I gently picked up his chin and turned his face to mine. I wiped away some tears that were still there. "Thank you for letting me- vent." He said. "Well, we have to understand each other now." I said sighing. He nodded his head agreeing.

    "Well, I really have to pee." I said letting out a small laugh. "I'm sure Sam doesn't wan you peeing yourself in his room." Jake said laughing along with me.

    I got up and rushed over to the door. I opened it only to be met with the boys. "Umm." I said before breaking through them and running to the bathroom.

    I did my business. As I washed my hands and looked into the mirror, my eyes were bloodshot and puffy, my cheeks had a red tint to them. I ignored it and went back into Sam's room, they were all getting ready, including Jake. "I'm not going to school." I said crossing my arms. "Why?" Danny asked.

    "What's the point?" I asked as I belly flopped onto Sam's bed. Josh came and laid on top of me. "Josh- I can't breath." I said gasping. He rolled off of me laughing.

    "Please?" Josh asked pouting. "Fine but I'm not dressing up." I said. Danny gave me his hoodie and I took a pair of sweatpants from Ronnie. Underneath my hoodie all I had on was my bra.

    Danny drove to school in my beetle, Sam sat up front and I sat in between the twins in the back. I laid my head on Jake's shoulder and he tensed up. He gently laid his head on top of mine. I knew this moment wouldn't slip from my mind; the first time he was being nice.