𝐤𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞

いち

Lonely.

That probably best described me. Retired from Shinigami society, alone in a house somewhere in nowhere. The only thing I had left that reminded me of who I was was my death scythe in the shape of a walking stick, one of many death lists, and another hyperactive Shinigami in red. 

"Novalee! There are exciting news!"

With a loud bang, the door flew open and crashed against the wall, while Grell Sutcliff, fully dressed in red and in a good mood as always, walked in.

"Hello, Grell. Yeah, I'm fine, and it's good to see you, too. Make yourself comfortable!"

The younger Shinigami rolled her eyes before standing right in front of me.

"That you always have to be so fucking serious. You're almost worse than William and Ronald together!" she grumbled and blew a strand of red hair out of her forehead. I smiled before embracing my protégé; it had been too long since we had seen each other.
Grell willingly returned this hug and a smile rolled over my face. It was good to finally see someone I liked after a long time of being alone. 

"I'm glad to see you too, Novalee!" said Grell, slowly loosening to push me away at arm's length and check me thoroughly.

"You should get some fresh air. You look old!"

I snorted and twisted my eyes before I completely loosened myself and closed the door, which was still wide open. Gentle drizzle had already completely wetted the threshold, so I only rolled my eyes for a moment, but did not give any further comment. Then I turned around and walked into the living room, where Grell was and had already thrown her red coat carelessly over the back of the green sofa.

"Maybe it's because I've been walking the earth a little longer than you!" I taught her with a playful, serious look, so Grell rolled her eyes again and threw herself on one of my sofas. Groaning, the cushions collapsed under her weight and I had to bite my lips not to comment on it. 

"Tea?" I asked instead, to which I got a nod from Grell in reply. She had bent over what I assumed was her death list. 

"Do your colleagues know you're here?" I shouted as I heated tea water and took two cups from a cupboard.

"They don't have to be interested in that. If, I wouldn't have you all to myself!" came Grell's answer, which made me smile. 

Grell Sutcliff, Ronald Knox and William T. Spears. The three were the last Shinigami I had trained at the Shinigami Academy and who I'd taken under my wing, and with whom I still had contact. And although the three were fundamentally different - especially Grell - I knew they were a well-established team that could rely on each other. The small quarrels and contests that they held every day were only games between them. They knew where each other's boundaries were and respected them. Most of the time, anyway. 

The whistling of the kettle ripped me out of my mind and I hurriedly finished the teacups before returning with them to Grell, who was now sitting on the sofa in the tailor's seat and looking up at me. Gratefully, she accepted her cup with both hands and blew vigorously, so that her glasses smashed. I smiled and sat down next to her  and pulled up my legs. 

"So? What news is there that you would like to share with me personally and without the presence of your colleagues?"

Grell raised her eyebrows and hurriedly placed her cup on the low side table in front of her, as if I had just reminded her why she was here in the first place. 

"You've got to see this, Novalee. It's just unbelievable!" she exclaimed, pulling a small notebook out of an inner pocket of her jacket that was still on the backrest behind her. Not an ordinary notebook, of course. But Grell's death list. 

She slipped closer to me and handed me the list.

Inquiring, I accepted the booklet and began to flip through it. But nothing to worry about stabbed me in the eye. However, I had been out of service for several years.

"What do you mean, Grell?"

I turned my head to her, only to see how her excited grin collapsed and an almost accusatory expression fell on her face. 

"Retirement's not good for you, Novalee! Just look at the place of death of all these little people!"

Again I flipped through the list and this time I paid attention to the place.  And that's when I found the thing that was disturbing to me and incredible to Grell.  All those people would die in the same place.  Far out in the Atlantic. 

I looked at Grell. 

"Big order?"

Grell nodded excitedly and licked her sharp teeth while I gave her her death list back. 

"Campania shipwreck.  Ronald and I should take care of it!" she explained and put the booklet back in her pocket. 

It reassured me to know that Ronald would be in the game.  Not that I didn't trust Grell in what she did.  However, I knew how easy it was to distract her, especially when she knew how many people would die. 

"And that's why-" Grell interrupted my thoughts, which is why I blinked and looked back at her. 

"-I thought it might be nice if you came with us!"

Silence

My brain was trying to process Grell's words.  She wanted me to go to Campania with her and Ronald Knox and take care of the people who would end up there?

"Grell-"

"Ah ah!  Let me finish talking!" Grell interrupted me, and she looked at me quite earnestly, so I shut my mouth and let her speak.  It was rare for Grell to be so completely serious that even her teeth returned to their normal state, so it was better to let her do in those rare moments and not interrupt her. 

"I know you don't want to be in the field because of what happened to you back then, but look at you, Novalee!  You're living all alone somewhere in the country.  You have no contact with anyone but Knox, Spears and me.  And your scythe just rusts in front of you.  And you're not well, either!  Your eyes have gone back in color and you know as well as I do... even better than I do, that's not good!  Please, Novalee, we need you.  You're one of the two legendary Shinigami, I can't leave you here to piss off!"

For another moment it was quiet. The words Grell had spoken touched me and even a tear rolled down my cheek.  To be honest, I missed collecting souls and being among my peers. But after everything that had happened, I couldn't. I couldn't look at my sense without thinking back to that day. 

I looked to Grell, who looked at me with expectation and a glimmer of hope in her phosphor-green eyes. 

"I can't, Grell. I'm glad you want me to be there, but I can't.  However, I'm sure you and Ronald Knox will do the job perfectly!"

I got up and took our empty cups. Memories that I had successfully locked away in my head for decades threatened to reappear and I could hardly push them back into that dark corner.

"But Novalee-," I heard Grell say as she jumped up.

I looked over my shoulder.

"Say my best to Ronald!"

I went into the kitchen and washed the cups. After drying these, I put them back in the cupboard and closed it.
I heard a door slammed shot then suddenly calm came. Grell was gone. 

I sighed and leaned against the cupboard. 

"I'm sorry, Grell.  But I just can't do this anymore. "