My Boss

27

"You know what, Mom, if your life mission is to make me feel that I was not worthy enough to be loved, you succeeded! You won, 'cause I definitely feel that way today!" The tears started to flow down my cheeks.

Even though I was in pain, the expression on my Mother's face didn't change. She must not really love me.

"My own Mother didn't even want me!" I feel like that sentence is more of a realization for me.

"Why would I think that she would want me?" I whispered. I'm not sure now to who I was referring in that sentence.

"Cara, come on, let's get out of here." My Aunt whispered in my ear.

I looked straight into my Mom's eyes.

"You won, Mom. That is... exactly how I feel!" I tried to control the sobs, but my chest felt so heavy. The pain that I was feeling last night just got doubled.

"Congratulations... Mom! I hope seeing me like this makes you happy!" I took away my Aunt's hands and marched to the door and didn't even look back even if my Aunt kept calling my name.

As soon as I got to my car, I started it and drove off. My eyes are filled with tears, I couldn't see clearly, I heard some honking from the other vehicle. And before I could hurt myself, I stopped the car on the side of the road.

There I cried hard while hitting the steering wheel repeatedly. The pain in my hands was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling inside. Even if my hands look sore already, I did not stop, I need to feel something else other than the pain bursting in my chest, anything would do, really.

My Mom, Alex... Oh, Alex! How could she hurt me like this? How could she make me feel special in one minute and the next feel like crap? What did I do to deserve all this?

Even hurting, I couldn't bring myself to drive. Dying was not the best revenge, it is probably a satisfaction to my Mom if I die and I won't give that to her.

After a while, I keep myself together, tried so hard to keep myself together so I would be able to concentrate to drive.

I took a deep breath multiple times before I started the car again.

I safely reached my apartment. I threw myself in the tub and washed away the pain, if it were that simple.

I ran my hands to my face then to my hair, the frustrations, the pain, everything, how I hope it was so simple to get rid of those feelings.

I noticed the bottom sides of my hands were red and sore and I started to feel pain from that.

Finally!

I finished my bath and took some bandages from my medical kit. I don't know if I was doing it right but I just rolled the bandages on my hand. Do I need to put in some cream? Or medicine?

I shrugged my shoulder and got dressed. I wanted to drink but I don't have any alcohol stock in here.

Maybe I should get some next time. In case I need it, like tonight.

From exhaustion, I drifted to sleep immediately as soon as I laid back on my bed.

-------------------------------------------------

I woke up with my stomach growling, and when I tried to move, my hands were in pain. When I opened my eyes, I saw that they were in bandages.

What happened?

Looking at my hands, little by little I remembered what happened last night. And as soon as I realized them, my eyes welled up.

I shook my head and then looked up to stop myself from crying. I don't want to start my day like that, I already felt like shit the whole day yesterday.

I grabbed my phone and called the shelter, I don't think I would be able to tend to the animals with my hands like this.

Maybe I should call the office as well and call in sick. 

But you called sick already the other day! Yeah, I shouldn't.

After the phone call, I adjusted my alarm and tried to sleep again, and ignore the growling in my stomach.

The next time I was woken up was by my alarm, it was 06:30 in the morning already.

I removed the bandages on my hands and jumped into the shower, again I felt my stomach rumbling. I am really hungry. I hurried and fixed something in the kitchen, grilled cheese was always easy.

I'm not used to having breakfast but because I skipped dinner last night, I figured one sandwich wouldn't hurt.

Remembering breakfast brought me back to when Alex bought me one in the office, how she forced me to eat in front of her.

I smiled bitterly at the memory, that's what it is, just a memory.

I shook my head, trying to push it to the back of my head. I don't need it today.

Once dressed, I checked my hands. They are still sore. I grab a couple of bandages, just the thin ones, and rolled them to both my hands. Hopefully tomorrow it'll be okay.

I head to the basement of my building, climb up my car, and drove to the office.

The first thing my colleagues notice was my hands, they were asking what happened, how I get injured, and some other similar to that. I didn't know what to tell them, how do you injure the bottom side of your hands? So I ended up telling them it was nothing and walk off.

I am not in the mood to even make small talk. After I got my tasks from David, I buried myself in working and didn't notice the time. Alex was still a no-show the whole morning, Brian passes by my table multiple times, he was worried when he saw my hands but I couldn't tell him what happened and I was grateful that he did not ask about it.

Some of the managers handed me files and contracts to scan and store in our database, I happily accepted them as I want to be super busy that my brain wouldn't think of anything else.

Lunchtime came and Brian invited me to lunch but I declined, it didn't stop him to bring me some food to my table though.

"I said, Alexandra is already downstairs and she wants the demo proposals to be on her table right now!" Hearing the mentioned name, my head lifted to see who spoke.

It was Darlene from the creative design department, she was with someone I don't know, probably from her team. They both looked tense and nervous, meaning Alex was in no mood.

And it hit me. She's here! OMFG, she's here!

Just like those two, I started feeling tense, my chest pounding so loudly, and even with the AC on, I felt like my palm started sweating under the bandages.

I should've gone upstairs and had lunch! Stupid, Cara!

Maybe it's not too late. I grab my phone and ran to the elevator. It's better if I'm upstairs once she comes so that I won't see her.

The two women from the creative design department were standing in front of Alex's door waiting for her, still both looking tense.

I pressed the elevator buttons multiple times, what's taking it so long?

I had my head down when the elevator door opened and didn't notice that there was someone who stepped out of it so when I made my way toward it, I accidentally stepped on the stranger's foot.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" I grabbed both elbows of the stranger to prevent ourselves from colliding with each other.

As soon as I lift my head up to see who it was, my mouth hung open.

Alex's piercing brown eyes were staring straight into mine.