𝐏𝐞𝐧𝟏𝟓 ☆ 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀

𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮-𝐴𝑙𝑒𝑥 ☆ ☆

-𝟒 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 ❏
𝟤𝟢𝟢𝟧, 𝖩𝗎𝗇𝖾 𝟤𝟥

"Y/n, are you ready? You're gonna miss the bus." My mom said as she came into my room, while I was fixing my belt and hair.

"I'm walking today." I said, making her leave my room to wake my younger sister up.

I grabbed my backpack and went straight out the door without saying goodbye to anyone.

☆

I made my way to school with my earbuds plugged into my ears, blasting music from my iPod.

Once I finally made it to the huge building, I entered and went straight to class.

"Hey" a girl tapped my shoulder, catching my attention and pointing at the teacher.
-"Y/n, take those out." The teacher said, making me sigh and removing them out of my ears and into my backpack.
-"this isn't middle school." He added.

"I mean, I never said it was." I shrugged.
-"excuse you?"
-"You heard me."

"Y/n, I don't want this attitude in this class. Do you really wanna be in detention for the sixth time this week?" He said, making me shrug.

"I'll let that slide today, but another day, you'll be getting detention." He sighed and continued the assignment.

"This is so fucking boring." I mumble and began to fiddle with the bracelet Alex gave me.
Still haven't forgotten about him.
Still haven't seen him.
Still haven't heard his voice.
Never got a call..
We forgot to exchange numbers..

I just wanted this stupid class to be over.

Ever since Alex left, I have been quite distant and haven't been myself. I really missed him..I just wanted to be in his arms.

My life has been falling apart and shit.
It's like everything went down hill ever since he's left. The world doesn't feel the same..It feels lonely and boring.
Middle school wasn't the same since he left. Dustin and Brandt didn't speak with each other anymore and completely forgot about Alex.

One time I asked Dustin if he's gotten a call from Alex and he asked who he was.
(He was more focused on me. Js playing)

I never forgotten about him. He was always running through my mind and it's like he was always there with me.
My Dad tried convincing me to take off the jewelry he gave me, but I never listened to him because he doesn't have the choice to choose what I have control over.

I was getting pretty tired of being in this shitty world. I don't even wanna be here anymore. Life is just like throwing away a ball of paper once you die. There's no point in living if it's all gonna go to a waste. So why not end it today?..Writing about my problems on a sheet of paper with lines isn't gonna help. Using my arm as paper and a blade as a pencil doesn't help either. Just relieves a bit of stress. Smoking weed is amazing..I'm in my own world. It makes me happy and takes all the stress away like it was NEVER there! Weed is the only thing that I actually like. Speaking to people didn't turn out well..They were all back stabbing bitches. They didn't give a single fuck about me. All they cared about was makeup and having sex with boys.
They're dream was basically becoming a slut and dancing on a pole. I didn't wanna be one of them, even though they told me it would be amazing to have sex. They said it was the best thing that's ever happened to them.

"Come on! Have sex with someone. That boys cute, ask him out."
-"No, I have a boyfriend."
-"it's not like he's here, right? How would he know?"
"That doesn't mean shit. I'm not gonna sleep with anyone, so stop trying to force me. I already told you that I have a boyfriend and just because he isn't here, doesn't mean I can go around acting like a fucking slut."
-"Jesus, since when did you become a such bitch?"
-"I'm not being a bitch, I'm just stating facts here! You're a fucking slut, Brianna! You're trying to force me into sleeping with someone after I told you that I have a boyfriend! What don't you understand?..you've been doing this since 10th grade. I don't wanna become like you guys."
" He's probably cheating on you in Seattle. He obviously forgot about you.! He isn't coming back for you. He dumped you and you still haven't realized that."

Well that didn't end well didn't it?. It made me feel like a dumb bitch who's been waiting years for this boy to come back..I was losing hope already. Well, since last year..my hope for him coming back wasn't with me anymore.
That's when I started self harming and thinking about suicidal thoughts. That's what's been running through my mind all day. I haven't been able to focus on my subjects and I was failing miserably, making my Mom think of me as a disappointment and my sister as the 'perfect little girl'. It hurts to see her be the favorite while I'm hurting and she doesn't even see it. She doesn't even notice when I'm in a bad mood. She doesn't even care to ask if I'm okay like she used to..what happened to our bond?
I just wanna fucking kill myself..
(I feel like the only writer you'll ever relate to.)

"Y/n." I heard a male voice say, knocking me out of my thoughts.
-"what?" I replied, turning my head to the voice to see my teacher.

"Aren't you going to lunch?" He asked.
-"Right, yeah.." I say and get up from my desk and heading to the bathroom.

I pulled out my digital camera that had photos of me and Alex when we were in middle school.

While I looked through them, I smiled softly, tears slowly streaming down my cheeks.
I just wanted him back..

This once specific photo always had me smiling..He looked so cute in it. I miss that smile of his. I wish I was able to see how he looked today..I always wondered if he still looks the same.
Why am I still waiting for you?

I put the camera into my backpack and cried my eyes out.

All I ever wanted was to get a call from him..I wanna hold him in my arms.

(I'm so tired of my fucking life.)