The Melodies Of Love: A Symphony in Heartbreak & Hope

Treasure

As a child,
I was always curious,
Always adventuring
Every crease of my childhood
Home.
I wasn't allowed
To explore outside,
In the large yard that
Always seemed
To call my name.

The backyard was
My escape
From the voices
That stayed within
The walls
Of my trailer.

The cries of my mother,
Who endured the worst
To give my Sister and I
What she believed
Would be the best life
For us.

As a child,
I always wondered
Why we stayed.
Why we came back after each
Argument
Between my parents.

I never judged
My mother for staying,
But a part of me
Knew she would be better
Off without my
Father.

We would have been
Better off.

I never realized
How much of what
My mother endured
Shaped
The way I view love now.

If only I could
Explain why my eyes water
Each time a voice is raised at me,
Or the way I never really believe
Someone could love me.

My constant apologies for
Being sensitive.
The way I held my tears back
Everyday,
The lump that remained in
My throat
Each time something hurt
My heart.

The way I don't believe
When he calls me
Beautiful.

I viewed my parents marriage
Fall apart
Right before my eyes,
Or the way
It was already
Broken long before
I had arrived.

Or the sleepless nights
I prayed for
A treasure
To bloom,
To be able to find
Treasure like the movies,
To help my mother escape
The grasp of
The masculinity of my Father.

At least then she would
Be able to escape,
To be free
Of the man she married.

Even if it meant
Leaving my sister and I behind.

I was never afraid of staying,
I was only afraid
Of my mother losing herself
Completely.

But as I was
Only five years olds,
My mother had
Long lost herself
Years before
I was ever born.

And the treasure
I long prayed and begged
For,
Never came.

Now as an adult,
I pray and beg
For the treasure
To come to me,
So that I can escape
And finally be free.