Find Me Again

Willow

A man shouldn't evoke such terror in me. He is not violent, he has not physically hurt me. The mental and emotional pain I'd experienced as a young girl was enough to place him in a viscous place in my heart. Seeing Bastian was not what I'd expected today. 

I'd gone to the Deyes's home to offer my support to Caspian, deliver treats, and leave. I didn't think Bas would be there. I'd gotten home, my chest tight with the pain of seeing him for the first time in years. I'd let a slow breath out, my heart still racing, but I couldn't get the image of his face out of my head. 

When I was seventeen, I'd thought that Bas was all man. I remembered seeing him as someone so mature, so strong and brave. Now, he was all man. Broad and tall, face cut with a trimmed beard and those same hazel eyes. The young girl in my soul had seen him as a god- almighty and powerful amongst us powerless. He was just a boy. A stupid, stupid boy. 

I'd remembered hating him so fucking much, but what terrified me was not seeing him. As I sat in my driveway and stared at the chipping paint in the sun, I realized that I was terrified of the longing I felt. I saw him and it was as if an invisible string stretched taut between us. As I drove away, a small voice in the back of my mind chanted to turn around, to hear him out and see what parts of his life I'd missed. 

That was two days ago, though. Two days ago, I wallowed and grieved a friendship with that man. Today, I remember what he'd put me through. I remembered the borderline bullying that happened to me in his wake, to the way he made me feel so small. I was angry. Grief morphed to rage and now I wished I had turned around. Not to fall to my knees and beg him to explain why he did what he did, but to scream at him for tearing me to pieces and scattering me in the wind as he flew across the country. 

We had something between us, but we'd been friends first. Over it all, we had been friends. As much as I hate him now, I can admit that I never had someone so strongly in my corner as he had once been. I'd once clung to him for reassurance, and now, I'm the product of a broken heart left in a broken home. 

I'm sitting at my silent desk, staring unseeing at the slideshow of some new home on the market. My mind continues to play the look on his face when he'd stepped out from that hallway. Dull eyes, not hazed by the grief of his parents but by seeing me again. I hope he's in pain. I hope that his life has fallen apart without me at his side. 

There's an indent in the pad of my thumb where the pen digs into it, mindless scribbles on the notepad in front of me. I'd gotten my duties done hours ago, and now I had four left to stare into the pixels of my computer screen. 

"Willow?"

My eyes snap up to Danielle, the supervising broker of the office. Our little town doesn't care much for professional clothing, but Danielle dresses as if she's the top real estate agent in NYC. Her fitted blazer ironed perfectly over her ruffled blouse, her soft eyes stare down at me. 

"Yes?" I force a smile onto my face. By the way her eyes narrow, I can tell it isn't convincing. 

"I have a new client coming in. Just sent him into my office. I have a feeling this is going to be a tough sale." 

I nod, waiting for her to finish studying my face and turn away, disappearing into her office. The market has been incredibly slow, especially in this little corner of Colorado. Bentley hardly shows up on any map. It's rare to have people moving into town for anything other than being hired at the mine. 

My eyes are burning from my screen by the time the doorbell dings. I look up, lips parting to greet Danielle's client, but my voice comes up empty. Bastian stands in the lobby, backlit by the late winter sun. My heart is pounding, words lodged in my throat. His own throat bobs as he steps forward, bracing his forearms on my desk.