THE TASKS I HAVE TO DO VOLUME 1

I BECOME A CAREGIVER

Note: this idea was inspired my friend, Fibi. She's da best.

A caregiver. PEOPLE I ACTUALLY THINK I'VE GOT A SHOT AT THIS BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MY GRAMPS FOR A LONG TIME NOW. Easy money, baby. No one can sto- But then, the tasks roll out:

Task:1 Mr.George has lost his inhaler. Help him find it before death finds him

I almost pass out. No, no time to pass out. I look around panicked and see an old guy gasping and wheezing. WHY?!!! I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY! 

"Mr George, your inhaler. Where did you keep it?!", I ask desperately. 

"*GASP* *COUGH* I-I DON- COUGH GASP", he says. Damn it baldy SPEAK UP. But no time to lose, I look around desperately. There is another old woman using an inhaler. I walk over to her and yank her inhaler out of her hands. She looks at me in shock and instantly starts gasping, panting and wheezing like the little fossil she was. But I dont give a dayum! I can't lose my George bro

"HERE SIR, USE THIS!", I say as I throw it towards him. He holds out his frail shaking hands to catch it but I guess his eye sight ain't what it was used to be cause the inhaler misses and hits him straight in da face. He instantly passes out. I scream in horror. I grab him by the jaws and forcefully open his mouth. I remove the cap and then things take even more of a bad turn when the cap slips outta my hand and slides down his throat. He starts choking.

NOOOOO! I wrap my hands around his waist prepared to give him da heimlich maneuver. I squeeze as hard as I can. 

Good news: The inhaler cap is dislodged

Bad news  :    I hear something explode. I realize I sqeezed too hard and something inside him EXPLODED. He screams in pain. OK THATS IT, I GRAB THE INHALER AND POP THE MOUTHPIECE INTO HIS MOUTH. Yeahhhh suck that boy. I don't give a shit if you make it through. Imma just focus on me task.

TASK 2: ITS APRIL FOOLS DAY. SWITCH MR BOBS AND MR JOHNS DENTURES

I don't even know what to say no more, bro. I'll just do it. I cry miserably. It was supposed to be easy bro.....IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FREAKING EASY. 

I walk over to Mr . Bob.  

"Ay baldy, spit ur dentures out so I can wash them. ", I say casually. If your wondering why I'm being rude, well, let me tell you for a fact that it's not fun switching dentures up.

"EH?", he says, cupping his hand over his ear.

"I need your dentures, sir... For cleaning purposes", I say.

"EH???? SPEAK LOUDER LADDY", he sounds.

I start getting irritated.

"SIR I NEED YOUR DENT-", I shout loudly and clearly.

"BOY, YOU TRYIN' TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL, EH? QUIET DOWN", the old hag says.

I grit my teeth and clench my fists. Control yourself. I take a deep breath and try again.

"Sir, will you kindly give me your dentures? I'm tasked to clean them so if you don't mind", I say slowly and emphasize every word. For a few moments he stares at me with his huge bat like eyes and blinks.

"Eh? Say that again?", he says after a moments silence.

I lose it. I slap the geezer over the head and his dentures slip out of his mouth. He groans in pain but I dont give a damn. I put gloves over my hands and grab the dentures. 

Now for Mr John,

I find Mr John sitting around a round table, celebrating his 156th birthday. 

"Happy birth-(cough) ASTHMA ATTACK OH MA GOD MA CHEST-day to you. Happy birthday you bald fatty, happy birthday to you," the elderly geezers sing clutching their chests. One has a heart attack and passes away right infront of us. He's taking up so much space so I push him away with my leg.