𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 & 𝙷𝚘𝚙𝚎

Chapter 1: I Can't Help But Give up

~𝑺𝒐𝒓𝒂~

My heart begins to ache badly. I crawled onto my bed rocking myself back comforting myself to sleep. Trauma struck me hard in my head. I feel so agitated by this. I'm sorry, viewers. I'm sorry, my friends. I will end it all here, today on top of this very building. The building that I was raised in, beaten to pulp in, tried to make the world a better place. All of this was my life and now, I end it here. I started it here and now, it's my time to end it. Life is just like a speck of dust. People can just blow it away. I hated every second of this wretched existence. I had to. Why is this all happening now?

A few weeks ago...

" Thanks for the supers, chat! Thank you!" I smiled into the camera. Another day, another game to win.

  My chat, my fans, they were so loyal to me for all the content I put in. They stayed. I have just gained a few 10,000 followers in the last 4 months. From a noob streamer to the biggest local streamer on the internet. All the time, my fans could send me money or super messages to help me make my day better. I would just smile. I have never regretted the days I started streaming.

"Hey! Look, someone just gave a huge super chat!" I jumped by this. "Let's see here."

@annoyingdealers: Ew! Who the heck do you think you are?! You've only just gained a few followers and you are celebrating!

Every word in that comment was hurtful but I didn't dare to shed a tear. I just couldn't, I just smiled back to the main monitor camera. I swallowed a lump of saliva. I got tense. Others saw the comments, some started to hate shooting and while others just agreed with him. It was a chain of events. I got stressed by looking at how fast the chat went. I kept myself together from that one second.

After the stream ended, I felt a stream of wet tears rolling down my face. I felt so useless and I can't even do things right for my content making. I felt like hope just got crushed. My dream to be on the Streamers Concert Awards nominations was just a leap ahead of me. But I became more wary about my career. I hated this feeling, these people. I just wanted the world to have fun too. That's all I'm asking but this is so painful for me. I've worked hard and after all this I feel like just disappearing from existence. My mom was sitting on the couch, coughing and throwing fits at the TV. Every day I hide in here, just to avoid my sick, psychotic, drug obsessed mother. Since I came out of her womb, my father never intended to have a baby. My mom loved him so much but he left because she had me. I was treated badly since I was an infant. When I was in middle school, my mom started to send me to work. I'll go on the streets selling random items she'd give me. When I was 13, she sent me away to work at the grocery store or convenience store just to provide for the both of us.

A little while later, I gained independence and dropped school to work. Though my mother hated me, I still have to fulfil my responsibilities as the only son in the family. I've never felt safe where I live. Robbers, rapists or whatever lives on these sketchy streets, were always making me feel uncomfortable. Our bad neighborhood was my home. I didn't want this. On some days, my mom's loan sharks would come after me because I was the only one with money. I've yet to pay off all the debts but it just keeps adding up. I'd be beaten to the pulp because of her. But with all that, love was still beating in me. The pain I take from her, the loan sharks and the world itself hardly shook me. I was like a willow tree dying but still clung to life. No matter what, I just wanted others to feel happy. Happier than me... Maybe just maybe, that spark can

"SON OF A GUN!! SORA, YOU BETTER GET HERE THIS INSTANT!!!" My mom yells from a distance. It felt as though the house shook.

The cramped up hall was full of photos of my late grandparents and some photos of my mother and my father before they had me. She was so happy back then, she must've really hated when my father left her. I felt guilty for her. I should've been given to another family. All I can say is it's just fate. I'm destined to live with a drug loving sicko and a life of solidarity isolation from a happy life. I approached her with my head hung low. She was sniffing her white illegal substances as though it was flower perfume. I tried to avoid contact from her. She looked up at me and she shoved me to the side to watch the TV. I stood there like a personal servant. I waited for something to be blathered out of that stinky ass mouth. She pointed to the unpaid bills. I flustered up but my toes curled for grip. I felt guilty, I haven't paid last months and this months bills yet.