The Regretevator writing dump / oneshots (regretefic)

The Lamp's creator.

"(Alright gnarpy! You should be all set and go from here!)" dr.retro cheerily commented as she removed the cast and bent the limbs a few time to make sure there wasn't any pain, all while pest was chittering, having his nose fixed within the same room, chittering angrily.

"Why did you even FIX this alien fuck?"

Gnarpy hissed

"(Hey! it's my job, even if the person is an asshole I'd still fix 'em.)"

"You're too nice."

"(Why thank you)" Dr.Retro smiled widely as she set gnarpy off to go, who surprisingly didn't even make an attempt to insult the two, just grumpily exiting the room while Dr.Retro made sure the cottons and other commodities to heal pest's nose were set in place.

"(Ok there! Should take about a few weeks to heal)"

"Why can't you just...laser me?"

"(Well yeah that's the easy way but honestly I find doing the old fashioned way better, and besides, I don't wanna get an eye infection myself just yet)" she chuckled heartily as she helped the sore pest get off the bed "(now make sure to take some painkillers if you need them and I'll be off on my way to go visit lampert if you need anything, got it?)" pest nodded.

..

"Theze ZOOBLINGS!!" gnarpy angrily yelled out as xe stepped foot outside "I could've fixzed myzelf! But noooooooooooooooo!!!" Xe threw a rock nearby and huffed out "xey are lucky I didn't turn zem into duzt!! No-violenze zunday zaved zem..." they groaned, all before feeling a tiny squirrel run up against xeir leg and stand still front of them.

"?? ZHOO YOU INCONZPICUOUS ZQUIERREL!!" xe kicked it away angrily, huffing, all before 2 more came, xe shoo'ed them away before getting double the amount, soon that amount would be 8, 16, and soon, almost a shit ton that gnarpy lost count

"!? WHAT ZE ZLOOPBARB??" xe stared in disbelief "WHERE ARE THEZE ZTUPID THINGZ COMING ZROM??" And before he could even do anything, xe saw spud emerge from the shadows, locked in, squinted its eyes onto gnarpy

"Spud.....spud is here to get....revenge.....spud.....with spud squirrel squad...."

"WHAT?? YOU EAT ZQUIRRELS??? HOW IZ THIZ POZZIBLE??!?"

"ENOUGH! SPUD SPUD SPUD- SPUD SQUIRREL SQUAD ATTACKKKKK!!!!!!!"

And soon enough, gnarpy was getting mauled off by what seemed like a hundred squirrels, before getting jumped by the big man himself.

...

Dr.retro entered the room within the other building where some of the mental patients reside in, while almost all of them are not psychotic, rather just being depressed suicidal teens who want nothing more than to have an actual solution to their problems, lampert was definitely an exception as he has to be isolated alone for fear of hurting others.

She made sure no one was was near and slowly opened the door to the confined area, stepping in, the room was just your average one, nothing too special, but it was just lampert eerily staring out the window that just really made it a bit too creepy for some people to enter, especially when he snaps his neck to 'greet' his 'guests'

Except this time he didn't try to move his head away.

"(Heyyyy lampert)" She mentioned rather awkwardly, waving her hands, but lampert ignored her, which made her go over and...witness gnarpy get mauled by a bunch of squirrels including spud himself....

"(.......DEUS PORRA CARA (GOD FUCKING DAMMIT DUDE)" she cursed and ran out the room, and soon the building to stop this madness once and for all, leaving lampert with an open door to walk right out through....

...

The UES was a strange level, to say the least, no one knew if it was a maze, or perhaps a trick, but either way most people enter for the thrill of finding the mysterious cryptid i which people dubbed "Jaoba"

And apparently it might not be the best place to hide away from the people either. Some of the tight spaces were so dusty it made lamperts metal casing feel like it's 'itching' somehow, but he ignored it, he didn't need to let his stupid emotions get the best of him like before, he had to learn that the hard way.

He didn't know how long he had to stay in here, a few days? Maybe months? Yeah, a couple of months sounds fine to lampert, he can just stay still the entire time and maybe sleep throughout the waiting journey so he can finally enter the regretevator and run to IKEA, assuming somebody didn't claim it too, that thought made lampert almost restless. But he didn't object.

The dim light above him flickered and shut. Well great, now it was dark. So lampert shuffled over to the charging port he saw behind a box and attempted to move it away to connect his 'tail' to it, but he stood stiff as he heard the box rummage, his light illuminating the shaking box as some sort of thing burst out from it.

Guess joaba wasn't a myth after all. Because it was leaning face to face with lampert.

"!! Jesus-" he huffed out, being slightly jump scared by its appearance and rather sudden entrance. "You sure are..." he squinted his eyes "one interesting creature...-"

The thing didn't respond, maybe it just couldn't respond as all it did was let out a muffled gurgle, it brought its long lanky, and almost melts hands to..touch lampert on his lampshade, stroking it, almost like it was trying to see what lampert is. And while he usually wouldn't mind. This time it really freaked him out, he slapped joaba's hand away "ew- wash your hands first freak-!!"

Then he was forcefully grabbed by both hands.

"!! OK OK I'M SORRY-" lampert squirmed in the creatures arms. "LET GOOOOO"

He soon stopped as he realized the creature was trying to tell him something. It was hard thanks to lamperts pleas and the fact the thing was wearing a silly gaggleland mask on its lanky thin, blackened goo body of all things, and it was only until lampert heard what it was trying to communicate did he fall limp and help his metaphorical stomach drop hard.

"ll l...lam p.... Lllamp erttt...myyy crea.... C... crea cccreatttiooonn..."