Second Chance

Chapter 13 : Between Logical Reasons and Strong Feelings

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Chapter 13 : Between Logical Reasons and Strong Feelings

Mama was not agreeable in the decision I made. She was not sure of Iman's sincerity. In fact she was not sure of Iman at all. She was saying it was a mistake. I couldn't help feeling terrible too. My gut was telling me to take back my words. But how could I?

I want the best for Erma. She is innocent in this situation and I feel guilty for keeping her away from her real father. Plus, since the father wants to be a part of her life, I thought why not. He is afterall her father.

Shah called me one night, wanting to meet up. I refused him flatly. He told me that he was confused. He wanted to meet Erma too, and that he missed her. I feel so guilty for introducing him to us in the first place. I shouldn't have lied and make this into a more complicated story. I should have just faced the truth.

Mama was frustrated with me for not meeting Shah. I told her my reasons. I do not want Erma to confuse herself between Iman and Shah. She needs a father. Not two.

"Are you happy with this decision?"

I nodded solemnly. My heart said otherwise. I wanted so badly for Shah to stay and Iman to go. But I'm doing this for Erma. My life doesn't mean anything anymore.

"You know you can have both. I know you like Shah better than Iman." I looked at her in surprise. How did she know? I shooked my head.

"Alysa. Sometimes we have to listen to our hearts. I saw your face lit up when you're around Shah. He made you smile. Really smile. I never saw you smile that much. And he made me smile too. I may not know Iman personally but he disappear when you told him about the pregnancy. He avoided you for the whole 9 mths and even wasn't there when Erma was born. So why now? What does he wants from Erma? Or rather from you?"

I shrugged. I hated to admit that I have been thinking the same way too. I have absolutely no idea why the sudden interest. But I'll find out soon enough. I just need so time to think.

About what? I am unsure of myself too. I think too much that I do not know when to stop. I have made a mistake before, and I do not want to make the same mistake again. So I have been very careful with whichever ways I decided to choose. I list the pros and cons in my head all the time.

But my heart always stick to one path. It always comes down to the name Shah. I need affection, and I kind of found that in him. Though I always tried to avoid being too attached, he always managed to make my heart flutter.

And at this very moment, I kind of missing him.

The handphone rang. I looked at the caller ID.

SHAH.

I swear there were butterflies in my stomach. I don't remember being this excited when a guy calls me. I took a deep breath and pick his call up.

"Hello?"

"Assalamualaikum."

"Wa'alaikumsalam." I smiled through the phone. I just loved listening to his voice.

"How are you?"

"I'm doing good. How about you?"

We talked for abit, making polite conversations. He even joked about being strangled by his boss because of his lack of concentration lately. He told me about how much he missed spending time with me and Erma, even my mother. I know he tried so hard to get into my good books. He did succeed, but I was afraid.

"Can I see you tomorrow for dinner? Just you."

I paused. "I don't know Shah... I'm-"

"Please.. I can't stop wondering if I did something wrong that you wouldn't want to see me. Can you at least tell me if I did something wrong? I thought things were going so well."

I sighed. "You have done nothing wrong. It's just me."

"Well... Can we meet up?"

"You don't give up, do you?"

I could hear Shah smiled through the phone. I was glad he did not give up. So I said, "Ok fine. Pick me up at 7.30pm tomorrow."

"Make it 8pm. I might not make it by 7.30pm."

Right. I forgotten about the prayer timing. "Oh sorry. 8pm then."

"Thank you."

We talked for awhile about work and stuff until I heard Erma crying for milk. I hang up and feed Erma. I was so excited about tomorrow that I forgotten about my housechores. After feeding Erma, I put Erma in her walker and began to fold the clothes that I had washed and dried.

I watched Erma as she chewed on her teether. I wonder what will the outcome be of tomorrow's date. If he consider it as a date.