Living a Lie {Anakin Skywalker x Reader}

12

I'm sitting in the garage, working on one of the evaporators. Cliegg asked me if I could try and fix it. I wipe sweat off my forehead. It really is hot here. As I'm screwing one of the bolts, Padmé walks in.

I look to her, "hey."

"Hi, (Y/N). What are you fixing?" She asks.

"I'm fixing an evaporator," I say, not looking up from what I'm doing. "Cliegg said its been acting up."

She sits down on one of the benches, "can we talk for a second?"

I look up at her, "sure." As I wipe my hands off with a cloth, I turn towards her. "About what?"

"Well," she takes a deep breath in, "what is going on between you and Anakin? what is actually going on, no excuses this time."

"We already told you. Nothing," I say emotionless. She cannot figure out what is happening.

She shakes her head, "I see the way you look at him. The way he looks at you. It's like -- it's like my mother and father. That's exactly how they look at each other."

"Padmé," I start, "I don't -- we don't have anything going on between us. I will admit, I used to have these strong feelings for him. But I realized the Jedi come first. Not Anakin."

"Oh. Well I'm sorry for bothering you," Padmé says unconvinced and leaves the garage.

I sigh and continue fixing the machine.

~*~

I watch the Suns directly above me. Anakin has been gone since yesterday. If he's not back by tonight, I'm going to go look for him. Then I see a light glisten off in the horizon. A quiet, faint hum gets louder, and the light gets brighter. My eyes can now make out what the light is. It's Anakin's speeder, and it's getting closer by the second.

Now, the speeder and Anakin have reached the Lars homestead. Anakin is carrying something. Something... Body like. His mother. Everyone comes outside to greet Anakin, but he trudges past them, carrying his lifeless mother into the house. I would go and talk to him, but he needs to be alone. I know all too well.

~*~

"Hi," I greet Anakin and set down a plate of food. Beru prepared him a sandwich, milk, and some berries.

"You know," Anakin keeps his eyes glued on the engine he's fixing, "life seems so much easier when you're fixing things. I'm really good at fixing things." He straightens his back and paces around the room. "How come I couldn't fix this? How come I couldn't save my mother?" His voice grows with frustration.

"Anakin --"

"It's all my fault!" He throws a wrench across the room, hitting the wall. Tears began to flood his eyes.

I stand motionless, looking at him, "Anakin, it is not your fault."

"I killed them," he muttered.

I wasn't sure what he just said. "What?"

"I killed all of them," he says through gritted teeth, "all of them! The women and the children too! They are animals, and I killed them like animals!"

I gulp. How was I supposed to respond to this? I can't tell him it's okay, because it's not. But I also can't tell him it's not okay because he will get even more angry.

Anakin walks over to the machine he was fixing and sits down on the floor.

He shoves his faces into his hands, "I'm no Jedi."

Still speechless, I kneel next to him and rub his neck. He truly was suffering.

~*~

Shmi's funeral was nothing but mournful. It reminded me so much of my father's. At his, I got up, and said "I love you. It was not your fault, but it was who ever shot you. I miss you, daddy," and the tears slowly followed after. I was too young to understand completely what was going on, but I was old enough to know that shouldn't of happened. As I grew up, I began to realize the dreadful truth: my father was dead and I would never see him again.

I didn't even realize Cliegg was speaking. I was too lost in thought. Feeling guilty for completely ignoring his speech, I watched as Anakin took a deep breath in.

Anakin walked over to her grave, kicking sand along the way. He dropped to his knees and took a handful of sand and studied it. "I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to save you." He grit his teeth, "I miss you. So much." The words basically spit out of his mouth. You didn't have to be smart to realize he was on the verge of falling apart. Part of me is thankful my father died when I was so young, because I got it over with then. If it were later, I might have not taken to it too lightly.

I hear the rolling of sand behind me, followed by some beeps. "Artoo? What are you doing here?" Padmé asks.

The droid replied with many more beeps. "A message from Obi-Wan?" I approach the droid. I turn to Anakin, "Anakin, I'm sorry, but we must head to the ship."

~*~

Anakin, Padmé, and I watched as the holocom went to static. Whatever just happened, Obi Wan was in trouble. Blaster fire surrounded the view, and soon the connection was cut short. The Council instructed us to stay on Tatooine, and that they would handle it.

"Let's go," I tell Anakin, preparing the ship.

"No," Anakin stopped me from pressing any buttons. "The Council gave us strict orders: stay here."

Padmé looked at Anakin shocked, "he's your best friend, you aren't going to go save him?"

"He's like a father, but we have to protect you," he declared.

"Well," Padmé sat down in the pilots seat, "I'm going to go help Obi Wan. And your orders are to protect me, so I guess you will have to come along."

I looked at Anakin, who was smirking. He looked at me with the same facial expression, "very well, M'lady." The engines roared to life, the ramp closed, and I was laughing inside at Padmé's smart choice. She truly was an excellent negotiator. No, more like this-is-what-I-am-going-to-do-and-no-one-can-stop-me-er.

"I'm not nervous!" Exclaimed a frantic Threepio. "I've never flown before!" Artoo beeped and whistled sarcastically.

"Astromech droids!" Threepio declared with a hint of disgust. "They think they know everything."