Empire of Ashes

Chapter XXIX - Self Defence

I was tempted. Very tempted. In one fell swoop, I could rid the world of a monster. He would be dead, and I would be alive. That easily, I could win.

But he would feel just a flash of pain and then nothing at all. He wanted me to kill him, that much was clear. This man would rather die than live as a captive until the end of his days. Why else would he have provoked us so blatantly?

Although I liked to think he would make it to the abyss, there was no guarantee of that. Recent events had diminished my faith in the gods to next to nothing, which made it difficult to believe in their hell. And if there was no afterlife, then only emptiness awaited after death, a never-ending expanse of nothing. Was nothing a fit punishment for a murderer?

"Keep him alive," I ordered. "Alive and chained in the dark like an animal until he forgets what it is to be human. Then I'll kill him. Not before."

"You bitch," the captain hissed. "You scheming, vile bitch."

Temris ignored him, probably having guessed the death wish. He sheathed the knife in his belt. "Are you sure, little one?"

I nodded.

"Just get it over with, for gods' sakes," the prisoner snapped, and it was almost a plea. He was looking between Temris and me with wide, desperate eyes.

The gods didn't care. Hadn't he realised that yet? A fledging stab of pity for his plight was stamped out by the cold fury. He had been there when they killed Emri, when they dragged her from her hiding place and slaughtered her. My little sister had been brave.  She hadn't cried or pleaded for her life. And they had still killed her, a five-year-old girl who had thought the farm dog could protect her. Maybe this man had been the one to do it.

Mother, Father, Jayme, Osca, Avelin, Quin, Emri and Koli. They were dead and gone now, all of them, because the Anglians had been in the mood for blood-sport. For their sake, he had to suffer before he died.

So I turned and walked away from my vengeance, despite every instinct screaming for his death.

Behind me, I could hear Temris giving quiet commands to Colloe and the guards, probably arranging for the captain's extended imprisonment. None of them came after me, and I didn't expect them to. At this time of day, I usually found an excuse to slip off with Samira, and the men had gotten used to it. If there was ever a time when I needed to let out anger by hitting something, this would be it.

I stopped the most impressionable man I could see — a scrawny messenger with half a beard and an unusual meekness about him — and I asked, "Do you know who I am?"

He nodded briskly. "Yes, m'lady."

That was unsurprising. Most everyone knew the golden-eyed, dark-haired southern girl belonged to their Ragnyr by now. "Good. Do you also know who Samira is?"

"Of course."

"Find her and ask her to meet me by the paddocks." I knew not to ask nicely. If the warriors thought they had a choice, they nearly always chose to disobey.

He gave me a sharp nod and excused himself. I continued in my path, headed for Nightmare and the solitude of my training. After a climb up a steep hill which took me far from the bustle of camp, I reached the horse fields — temporary paddocks for grazing. It didn't take long to locate the black stallion. He came at a gallop when I whistled, probably expecting his master. Only Temris ever called him that way. Nightmare nuzzled me from over the fence as his sides heaved and his coat ran inky with sweat. It was a hot day, and it looked like he had been kicking out at the geldings before I arrived.

Sometimes, after training, I would watch him interact with the rest of the herd. The stallion didn't take kindly to other horses, save for Amber. My guess was that forcing them to spend so much time together had tempered their tempers, so to speak. It wasn't a rare sight to see him locked in battle with Anlai's horse as they competed for lead spot. The grey would always back down eventually, only to launch another challenge when his rival was least expecting it.